2.21.2009

a word to the wise


"a wise man once told me, don't argue with fools--people from a distance can't tell who is who"
this is a jay z quote, but the old folks were saying it long before he was (and it kinda comes from Proverbs 26:4-5). i've always liked it--it keeps me from coming out of character quite often, and has prevented me from 'cutting up' in public when someone does something stupid. you know how you feel when you see people getting loud and going off on someone in public. . .
anyway, i was thinking about this earlier today/last night. for those of you who know me, you know this was a big week for me (well, thursday was a big day) david and goliath style. my victory got press coverage in the various online publications of the relevant state. i wanted to see the articles because it was like seeing myself in the paper, but i found some of the comments pretty jarring (someone even made a blog about it). it was amazing how hateful and racist some people were--they deliberately missed the point of the case so that they could espouse their racist views about any and all things dealing with black people. i left a few comments on a few of the sites, trying to clear up some of the misunderstandings and putting the decision in perspective, but when my i left my comment on a particular blog, i just knew it wouldn't be published because it didn't fit in with the racist illogical ranting of the blog's author--and i was right. he didn't want to understand the case or channel his frustrations in the right direction--he just wanted to rant.
so. my question is this--when does trying to educate people turn into futility and 'arguing with fools'? how do you know when to hold 'em and when to fold 'em in these types of situations? sometimes it feels wrong to just walk away without saying anything. . .

2.11.2009

team chris v. team rihanna


so i was listening to my ipod and 'with u' came on. . .the debut of this song marked the point where i stopped denying my grown woman crush on mr. brown. since then, everything he does is endearing and i just love watching him in videos and pics and stuff. . .even the pics with rihanna (i know some people didn't like them together--or like him with anyone for that matter. lol. but i thought they were cute together).
now comes this weekend. people say rihanna looks like she was in a boxing match. . .with her hands tied behind her back. i even heard one report that said he choked her and threatened to kill her and she passed out. . .which is when the police found her and drove her to the hospital (she evidently looked so bad that they didn't even want to wait for the ambulance to come). so of course everyone wants to know what they were arguing about that would make our sweet little chris turn into such a (alleged) monster--i mean, really, we would have been shocked if someone had said they saw him grab her or shake her or something, but now we have bruises, bite marks, black eyes, bloodied nose, busted lip. it's almost too incredulous to believe, especially coming from someone who seemed so. . .clean and anger-issue free. anway, so what started all of this? i have heard a few stories:
  • he beat her up bc she gave him herpes. umm. i'm only mentioning this one to discredit it. i believe this rumor started bc she had that nasty looking cold sore on her lip a few weeks ago--cold sore herpes is not std herpes. plus, why would they be talking about that on the way back from a happily attended grammy party??
  • the (unofficial) story from his camp: she started the fight--he got a call or text message from a girl that rihanna felt he had been creeping with, she flew off the handle (they cite a story of her admitting to smashing glass in her brother's face as evidence of her anger issues) and started hitting chris while he was driving and he reacted in self defense. . .okay, i can semi-buy this story, except her injuries are SO severe that they're going to have to come up with something else bc that is clearly more than self defense.
  • the (unofficial) story from her camp: he got a text from the aforementioned jump off talking about hooking up later, things blow up, she gets mad she takes the keys to the rented lambo and throws them out the window and he can't find them so he goes ballistic and we get battered and bruised rihanna
of course the story is still developing, there have been no official statements released, chris is in hiding with his family who says he is not violent. her friends are saying they noticed bruises on her neck in december and when asked about them she said 'we broke up again'. we know chris has talked about watching his step father beat his mother when he was younger and how that affected him. it's all just a big mess and all the confusion surrounding the details is to be expected. . .but it is a little suprising the way people are choosing sides. i think this will force us to have a convo about a topic that isn't really talked about in the light for black people--domestic violence. for some reason, we insist on acting like this isn't a problem for the black community--i don't know if it's because our men deal with so much that we think we're supposed to take it when they take their frustrations out on us, that we feel love has to hurt sometimes, or if the 'strong black woman' thing means we grin and bear it for the sake of the kids, not sending him to jail, the good times, etc.
it's true that people let celebrity trump the issue when it comes to criminal acts--many devoted fans just want their beloved star to be okay and to triumph over 'adversity' without really looking at the actual 'adversity' and what the star may have done to cause it. so i guess it's not puzzling that chris' fans are all up in arms trying to defend him--i mean, rihanna is the one getting hate mail and messages! and people are saying 'she must have done something to set him off' . . .but really? if rihanna was your sister, mother, bff, would you think the same thing? would it be okay that someone she was dating beat her up and left her outside for the police to 'find' her. . .and was more worried about not getting in trouble over it than what he did or whether she was ok? how disgusted and angry would you be if someone said she must've done something to deserve it and was upset that her assailant was 'going through this'?
then you have the other side--wrigley's had 'suspended' the chris brown commercials before the story had been news for 24 hours, jay z and kanye have both officially put him on their respective sh** lists, and radio stations are pulling his songs off the air. and there is a part of you that is like 'poor chris'. . .you don't want to see him go down like this and his career go up in smoke.
i'm torn. i really am. i feel like it should be easier for me to condemn him and think of him as a monster. . .bc no matter the details of why it happened, the point is that it happened, right?
i think the jokes are insensitive (' i bet next time he says 'gimme that', she'll listen' 'i wonder if he beat her with an 'umbrella-ella -ella'') and i worry about rihanna--we all know domestic violence situations tend to be cyclical. . .the embarassment might keep her away for a while, but if cbreezy decides he wants her back and is sweet and charming, she really might go back (one celebrity who has weighed in actually said 'they'll be alright, they just need people to leave them alone'). i'm nervous that i wouldn't be surprised if she showed up at any subsequent trials sitting in his corner offering her support. if he beat her this badly this time, it was probably a gradual build up--from grabbing, to things that left bruises, to this. . .and she's gone back before.
i just can't be ok with that. i definitely liked chris way better than rihanna before this (i mean, he actually has talent) but she is still someone's babygirl, granddaughter, sister and i feel like, i--we--should feel more protective over her. someone help me sort it out!

2.05.2009

the necessity of the hbcu


i was given the honor of being on a panel at my beloved alma mater last night. at the end of the panel a young lady asked us, 'with all the buzz going around, saying that hbcus are unnecessary and don't prepare you for the real world, what is your opinion as to the importance of the hbcu--all of you have said the real world isn't like this'.
if you know me, you know this is a non-issue. . .anyone who tries to say anything negative about my alma mater gets shut down. i am so proud to have gone to howard and am glad i found my way there (wish i could go back). nonetheless, i have decided to lay out a little of my argument beyond 'that's the stupidest thing i ever heard' in response to that question:
1. i have not been convinced that integrated schools were the best thing for black people. part of me sincerely believes that if schools really were 'separate but equal' the black community would be in a far better place now. forcing our babies to go to schools where they were seen as inferior to be brainwashed by learning the lies that establish the 'undisputed greatness' of the united states (while glossing over those 'minor blemishes' like slavery and the trail of tears) can't really have been the best thing. it's like it was acknowledging that school wasn't good enough until we were in school with them. . .no matter what. now we have failing public school systems--because you know as soon as we tried to go to school with them they promptly enrolled their kids in private school! generations of adults battered from the battles of integration they were forced to fight as children and who are a little more disconnected from their community and culture as they strive to reach the white is right ideal. if brown v. brown of ed. could have been focused at enforcing separate but equal, who knows what black people could have accomplished by now?? instead we're left licking wounds and trying to compete with them in their 'equal' schools while dealing with the pressures of being considered unwanted and inferior and learning curriculum that makes us feel alienated and minimizes the contributions of our people. as long as they are well funded (this is the key--this is also why i'm elitist when it comes to hbcus), institutions that nurture and educate black people serve a purpose outside of curriculum related education. they create ties to the community, instill a sense of pride and obligation, and champion the race and its accomplishments in a way that is necessary to heal wounds and make us a better people. it is empowering to sit in a classroom full of smart people who look like you with a teacher who sees your sucess as tied to his/her personal success. it is hard for us to get that anywhere else. which brings me to my next point.
2. as 'minorities' it is hard for us to be able *not* to know how to function around white people. whether it is your doctor, your teacher, the lady at the grocery store. . .it is hard for a black person to live in a world where they never have to interact with white people, and let's not forget tv. there are soooo many shows with mainly white focuses that you can see white people in various lights--funny white person, corporate white person, white families, white singles ready to mingle, white kids, violent white people, sad white people, happy white people, rich white people, poor white people. . .the list goes on. everyday living in the united states is nothing if not a study of white people. there are still places where white people can go about their daily lives without seeing a black person except for on tv, the same cannot be said about black people encountering white people. i say all of this to say, that if the concern is that hbcu life isn't 'real life', it need not be a concern. we likely wouldn't have made it to college age if we didn't know how to function around white people to some extent. additionally, a lot of my fellow students at hu were like me and actually grew up around mostly white people and found themselves in situations where they were the only black person in a class. an hbcu education is not crippling, to the contrary, it is empowering. i feel *so* much more comfortable around white people in my own skin after going to howard. howard empowered me in a way i couldn't have imagined. it steeled my spine and anchored me to something bigger than me and my immediate family--it connected me to my community, its achievements and the idea that i *am* different and i should be proud of that. instead of trying to be 'like' the white people i encounter for fear of not 'fitting in or being accepted' i am just me. i am cultured, classy, smart, and have a lot to teach (and learn)--when i notice i am the only black person in a room of white people, i don't get nervous that they are judging me against their standards--i'm not really trying to meet their standards and i don't believe their way is the only way. i know that my being a triple threat can be threatening and i know why and i know that (to paraphrase) "when and where i enter the whole race enters with me" and that makes me powerful beyond measure. and i know, from experience, that there are thousands of people who are like me and think like me--empowered black people allll over, who are focused and saw the light while at an hbcu and refuse to go back to the darkness. it's funny that when we were fighting to be admitted to their schools, one of the court cases approving affirmative action cited the way 'they' benefitted from being around 'us' as if they had to benefit or it wouldn't be ok for us to go there--and our schools aren't good enough because there are not enough of them. i don't need to go to a special school to learn about white people or how to work with them. . .and why doesn't anyone ask if their schools prepare them to be around us??
3. hbcus teach and shape you like nothing else can. a lot of people 'find themselves' in college. . .at an hbcu you find yourself as you fit into the bigger puzzle of your community. you learn that is and always has been bigger than you and that if you stand tall it is because you stand on the backs of those who went before you . . .and you owe something to those who come after you. if that doesn't make you feel both powerful and humble at the same time, nothing will. an hbcu grad can deal with and interact with white people, asian people, latinos, green people, purple people, blue people because she knows who she is and what her presence means in the bigger picture, her feet are firmly planted in the ground and she is ready to grow up.
hbcus are important precisely because they are not like the real world. they serve an important purpose that the real world doesn't have time to fill (or maybe doesn't want to fill--this is the same country where it was illegal for us to learn how to read). when you go to an hbcu it is like entering a cocoon as a caterpillar, being nurtured and molded for 4 years. . .and emerging as a butterfly. i realize i'm waxing poetic, but that's really how i feel. you will never convince me that i was crippled by going to howard or that my future children (who will be going to howard as well!) will either and i resent the implication. i'm not discrediting the value of other people's education, but i know what i got out of mine--but most importantly, i'm not asking if your school is necessary as if because *i* didn't get value out of it, it's not valuable (but if you would like to explain to me why ivy league schools are necessary, you can do that)
-steps off soapbox and unclinches black power fist- tee hee.