the necessity of the hbcu

i was given the honor of being on a panel at my beloved alma mater last night. at the end of the panel a young lady asked us, 'with all the buzz going around, saying that hbcus are unnecessary and don't prepare you for the real world, what is your opinion as to the importance of the hbcu--all of you have said the real world isn't like this'.
if you know me, you know this is a non-issue. . .anyone who tries to say anything negative about my alma mater gets shut down. i am so proud to have gone to howard and am glad i found my way there (wish i could go back). nonetheless, i have decided to lay out a little of my argument beyond 'that's the stupidest thing i ever heard' in response to that question:
1. i have not been convinced that integrated schools were the best thing for black people. part of me sincerely believes that if schools really were 'separate but equal' the black community would be in a far better place now. forcing our babies to go to schools where they were seen as inferior to be brainwashed by learning the lies that establish the 'undisputed greatness' of the united states (while glossing over those 'minor blemishes' like slavery and the trail of tears) can't really have been the best thing. it's like it was acknowledging that school wasn't good enough until we were in school with them. . .no matter what. now we have failing public school systems--because you know as soon as we tried to go to school with them they promptly enrolled their kids in private school! generations of adults battered from the battles of integration they were forced to fight as children and who are a little more disconnected from their community and culture as they strive to reach the white is right ideal. if brown v. brown of ed. could have been focused at enforcing separate but equal, who knows what black people could have accomplished by now?? instead we're left licking wounds and trying to compete with them in their 'equal' schools while dealing with the pressures of being considered unwanted and inferior and learning curriculum that makes us feel alienated and minimizes the contributions of our people. as long as they are well funded (this is the key--this is also why i'm elitist when it comes to hbcus), institutions that nurture and educate black people serve a purpose outside of curriculum related education. they create ties to the community, instill a sense of pride and obligation, and champion the race and its accomplishments in a way that is necessary to heal wounds and make us a better people. it is empowering to sit in a classroom full of smart people who look like you with a teacher who sees your sucess as tied to his/her personal success. it is hard for us to get that anywhere else. which brings me to my next point.
2. as 'minorities' it is hard for us to be able *not* to know how to function around white people. whether it is your doctor, your teacher, the lady at the grocery store. . .it is hard for a black person to live in a world where they never have to interact with white people, and let's not forget tv. there are soooo many shows with mainly white focuses that you can see white people in various lights--funny white person, corporate white person, white families, white singles ready to mingle, white kids, violent white people, sad white people, happy white people, rich white people, poor white people. . .the list goes on. everyday living in the united states is nothing if not a study of white people. there are still places where white people can go about their daily lives without seeing a black person except for on tv, the same cannot be said about black people encountering white people. i say all of this to say, that if the concern is that hbcu life isn't 'real life', it need not be a concern. we likely wouldn't have made it to college age if we didn't know how to function around white people to some extent. additionally, a lot of my fellow students at hu were like me and actually grew up around mostly white people and found themselves in situations where they were the only black person in a class. an hbcu education is not crippling, to the contrary, it is empowering. i feel *so* much more comfortable around white people in my own skin after going to howard. howard empowered me in a way i couldn't have imagined. it steeled my spine and anchored me to something bigger than me and my immediate family--it connected me to my community, its achievements and the idea that i *am* different and i should be proud of that. instead of trying to be 'like' the white people i encounter for fear of not 'fitting in or being accepted' i am just me. i am cultured, classy, smart, and have a lot to teach (and learn)--when i notice i am the only black person in a room of white people, i don't get nervous that they are judging me against their standards--i'm not really trying to meet their standards and i don't believe their way is the only way. i know that my being a triple threat can be threatening and i know why and i know that (to paraphrase) "when and where i enter the whole race enters with me" and that makes me powerful beyond measure. and i know, from experience, that there are thousands of people who are like me and think like me--empowered black people allll over, who are focused and saw the light while at an hbcu and refuse to go back to the darkness. it's funny that when we were fighting to be admitted to their schools, one of the court cases approving affirmative action cited the way 'they' benefitted from being around 'us' as if they had to benefit or it wouldn't be ok for us to go there--and our schools aren't good enough because there are not enough of them. i don't need to go to a special school to learn about white people or how to work with them. . .and why doesn't anyone ask if their schools prepare them to be around us??
3. hbcus teach and shape you like nothing else can. a lot of people 'find themselves' in college. . .at an hbcu you find yourself as you fit into the bigger puzzle of your community. you learn that is and always has been bigger than you and that if you stand tall it is because you stand on the backs of those who went before you . . .and you owe something to those who come after you. if that doesn't make you feel both powerful and humble at the same time, nothing will. an hbcu grad can deal with and interact with white people, asian people, latinos, green people, purple people, blue people because she knows who she is and what her presence means in the bigger picture, her feet are firmly planted in the ground and she is ready to grow up.
hbcus are important precisely because they are not like the real world. they serve an important purpose that the real world doesn't have time to fill (or maybe doesn't want to fill--this is the same country where it was illegal for us to learn how to read). when you go to an hbcu it is like entering a cocoon as a caterpillar, being nurtured and molded for 4 years. . .and emerging as a butterfly. i realize i'm waxing poetic, but that's really how i feel. you will never convince me that i was crippled by going to howard or that my future children (who will be going to howard as well!) will either and i resent the implication. i'm not discrediting the value of other people's education, but i know what i got out of mine--but most importantly, i'm not asking if your school is necessary as if because *i* didn't get value out of it, it's not valuable (but if you would like to explain to me why ivy league schools are necessary, you can do that)
-steps off soapbox and unclinches black power fist- tee hee.

welcome back chrisette!

i am a *huge* chrisette michele fan. . .unlike my closet beyonce fanhood, i am proud to admit that i love chrisette. she is so intelligent, her voice is amazing, she has this 'spunk' and she's so cute without trying too hard. i am still in awe from seeing her in dc last year around this time. because we are bff (okay, we're just myspace friends, but still) she sent me a message when she released her new single. it's called epiphany--i love it and can't wait for the new album. she writes:

i'm so so so excited to share with you some new music! this new album took NO TIME to record. it seems like every word that i sang was already on the tip of my tounge before i even got to the studio. one song i dreamt, came to the studio the producer had music that already went with it and then my new friend, writer filled in the blanks like only he and i can! it was just so fateful.
God is always providing!

so.... my new single is called "Epiphany". i asked Neyo to play an instrumental role in my new work. i wanted him to listen to my voice and then cater to its uniqueness, listen to my thoughts and then write with them in mind. he'd sit and write right in front of me, asking "do you like this? do you like that?". i couldnt believe how kind he was, he's written for every one and lil ol me gets this precious treatment. a blessing.


you know that i wrote my last album save the chorus on 2 songs and i was VERY afraid of giving some one else the pen and pad...but when i did, magic happened. Claude Kelly and Neyo (and of course me...) brought it and its a great urban creation. i wanted a lil bit more bass heavy-ness, a lil more pain and honesty, i wanted to be vulnerable and show that i've been hurt... i even shed a tear or two (okay, that was when i sang right after my teeth were pulled :) but really, its a beautiful me, i know you will relate because, everyones been hurt b4 and we ALL have been in need of a healing. Amen? i want you to walk away from these records knowing who you are and aware that no one can keep you locked in something that you dont deserve. Lets end ridiculous relationships, become our own best friends and work on cultivating a great relationship with our maker... He'll lead us to the manor woman of our dreams! yes?

so...get your first taste! Epiphany!


ps...
remember last year how hard you all worked with me. you called your radio stations, you brought a cd for you and yo auntie and yo sister! you created something special. you supported what you believed in. i want you to know that i appreciate you...thats why when ever you see me i love on you, i sign what ever you ask, i come to your parties, i write back when ever i can... its because you've been so gracious and kind to me and because its my heart to lavish you with music for your lives stories.


lets do it again! lets do it bigger. the record label has promised their support! i'm rallying up my troops. i need you to call in the single... push it to the top with me.


i love you... please enjoy... Epiphany. (written by Neyo, produced by Chuck Harmony...sang by yours trully...Chrisette Michele :)

God bless you all, keep me in your prayers, as i'll continue to keep you in mine.
ooomwah!

-chrisette michele

obama-rama

k. so. . .we have a black president :)
i am so excited to finally be proud of my president, to finally feel defensive if someone says something bad about him, and to trust that he is and will be doing the right things for this country. never since i've been able to vote have i been able to say that.
however, i do have some things that i want to get out:

• if you've read my previous entries, you know that i don't believe that barack being president means that any black person can be president--there was a special alignment of personal and political factors that made this moment.
  
• i don't think dr. king's dream has been realized--i think the swearing in and its proximity to the holiday was begging for people to draw that conclusion. . .but after all is said and done, there's still a lot of work to do
• i am a closet beyonce fan--this couple that i love being serenaded by beyonce for their first dance was almost more than i could bear. lol
• i didn't love either of michelle's inauguration day ensembles--i don't care how much her sleeves were lined in the toledo outifit, she was COLD and if you're going to sacrifice your warmth to be cute, it needs to be extra cute--i don't think this outfit was worth the sacrifice. i saw the sketches tracy reese submitted, besides the fact that her outfit was purple, it also incorporated a real coat--i vote for tracy. lol. the jason wu dress was okay. . .i'm not a big fan of 3-d things on dresses. it looked really pretty from a distance and the white was beautiful on her, but i was disappointed :( however, i was not disappointed in her hair--it was definitely on point. hey hair!
• i was sad that i didn't get tickets to any of the official balls or to the swearing in. anything else was just a party, i hated that people were charging so much for parties in the name of the inauguration as if spending $500 to get in was okay because obama was about to be president--the same promoters try to throw the same expensive parties whenever they know a whole bunch of black people will be in town. if you want to party go 'head, i'm not judging, but don't try to use obama to justify spending that amount of money in a recession--if he's not going to be there, it's not an 'obama party' and you're not really spending your money for him. lol. donate that to the dnc!
  
• along the same lines (and i'm going to step on some toes here--sorry, not judging, just stating my opinion) i am really happy that so many people went out on the mall to be part of the crowds bc the pictures were amazing. all those people in that freezing cold for my president. however, i don't like the idea of people thinking that just bc they were out there they were the ones who 'witnessed history' or were 'a part of history'. yes, the energy was amazing and i ventured out to be in it, but anyone who watched it 'witnessed history'--which was a lot of people around the world. if you were out there, especially without a ticket, you may or may not have had a good view of a jumbotron (which was just a tv outside. . .with limited sound, so you didn't even get to hear history), you might have been as far back as the washington monument--which might as well have been in a different city than the capitol building on that day, and you also had to stand out in the cold for hours, which means you probably missed the coverage of the rest of the historical day leading up to the ceremony. all this to say, that if you went out to be in the energy and just be a part of the crowd, that's great and that's what you could expect to do. but every time i see a shirt or something that says 'i witnessed history', i cringe a little--whether you watched it on an inside tv or an outside tv, you witnessed history, if you watched it outside, you didn't even get to hear the power in president obama's voice as he delivered his 'vows' or the way he sounded like he really meant what he was saying when he gave his speech (of course there's youtube, but that actual moment only happens once). for me, that would have lessened the experience. i realize this may not be true for everyone, so like i said, i'm glad people made the sacrifice and went out there if that's what they wanted to do. and yes, i will still tell my kids i was there--closer to the capitol building than most of the people who watched it outside ;)
  
• also (lol. i decided that last bullet point was getting kinda long), as far as 'being a part of history' goes, i was talking to one of my friends (q.d.) who was one of the people who helped make this a reality--she knocked on doors, several times over--in the cold, in different states, etc--i did my share and worked as an 'organizer' for the campaign in nc during primary season and donated money after primary season, but from my work i definitely respected the people like her, who really worked--for free-- to make this possible, bc the work wasn't glamorous and didn't show instant results. those people were part of history. i know that a lot of people did work like that and so there was definitely some overlap between the people who were out on the mall and the people who did the grassroots work--but i wonder about those people who say 'it was worth it to stand out in the cold to be a part of history and see him take the oath' or made it seem like it was so important for them to be out there, who never went out and campaigned, who were passive observers/supporters and now that it's time to celebrate want to talk about their 'sacrifice' of standing out in the cold to be part of the moment. in my opinion, if no one had gone out there on the mall, president obama would still be president obama, but if the grassroots volunteers hadn't been out in full force during the 2 years before, the same thing cannot be said. it is definitely food for thought that so many people can go out in the cold to celebrate but wouldn't go out in the warm to campaign. this moment didn't just come into being on january 20--it was a long time in the making and it's great that people voted for my president and went to watch him take the oath, but i've just been wondering what they were doing when others were working to make it possible for him to even be on the ballot. like, can you say you 'earned' your place in this history--not by standing outside waiting for him to get sworn in wearing the stuff you bought from the street vendors with his name on it, but by actually being a part of the movement? for qd and i, we felt like we were a part of history even before the morning of january 20--it was like we just wanted to enjoy the energy of the celebration and watch the fruits of our (and so many other people's) labor no more sacrifices necessary :) (lol. it was definitely cold walking up there tho!) i'm not saying this moment doesn't belong to all of us who hoped for it and are happy at its arrival, i'm just saying it would be even sweeter if all of us had put that same energy into ensuring that it came.
  
• on a lighter note, there were sooo many heartwarming moments among my first family--my heart melted when i saw malia taking pics of her dad or when she gave him her approval of his speech. sasha was cute as ever, the excitement overwhelmed her and she definitely fell asleep watching the parade, but i just love her. malia is michelle's mini-me--they have the same eyebrows and even the same little waddle when they walk. and sasha looks like barack did when he was a little chubby boy in hawaii. and they were the cutest little things in their custom made jcrew coats--they are such better role models than the bush girls, and they're only 7 and 10!! i could talk about their family alllll day. i know they are an inspiration to so many and i feel like i know them!

anyway, my president has already shown that he plans to run things. he is SO smooth. he has already made so many people interested in politics who were never interested before and inspired so many people on a personal level. i am so looking forward to his *8* years in the white house and what he can do to and for this country. like my godfather cornel west said, i hope he will be a thermostat and not just a thermometer--a thermometer only reads the temperature and reflects it; a thermostat controls the climate. if he can stay true to himself and his family, we are going to be in for an excellent climate here in the us! ready??

viva mexico!

Happy New Year!
so. this year i spent new year's eve with my bf. . .in cabo! it was a really nice trip. despite all my nervousness surrounding that much uninterrupted couple time (besides my commitmentphobia, there is definitely room to be nervous at the idea of being able to hear when someone is using the bathroom for four days and five nights--i don't care how much you love them). but we did good. it's funny bc everyone wants to hear all the details of your trip--but there really weren't many details. we chilled out a lot, ate, drank (yay for all-inclusives with macro-bars in the rooms(to call it a mini bar would be unfair)), and just enjoyed the city and being away. it was pretty funny to see the mexicans' reactions to us (there were VERY few black people vacationing there), we were like mini-celebs. we even had a guy ask if we would pose for a picture with his kids!
even though nothing happened to write home about, i did think of a few things to write here about :)
what i loved:

• almost a whole week of no one asking me what i do for a living. so many foreigners (canadians included) can have a whole conversation with you without asking what you do, even once. we ran into a family from chicago/tennesee on a cruise we went on. after a minute of polite convo, i excused myself for a few minutes, but left the bf--they asked him what he does for a living! 2 minutes in!! i wasn't there for that, but as SOON as we came back into the us, the customs officer (30 sec convo) asked what we did. why??
• the international black people nod/smile! wherever you go, you can tell a good black american by the way they acknowledge you in public. the few we did see tended to nod back. there was even a guy who looked like he could be black who nodded (he revealed himself as not black when he called the bf 'bro' (with that strong 'o' they use). . .lol. the bf had a lot of white frat boy family down there). of course there were the ones who avoided all eye contact, which was fine with me bc i could give them dirty looks without them seeing :)
• the bracelets from the resort. i have always hated these things bc i didn't like being 'branded' and they usually mess up my tan. but they really helped in mexico as we were wandering around 'adventuring' and riding the bus. people saw them and knew where we were staying. . .and that we were on the wrong bus. lol. and they were really helpful in redirecting us.
  
• the people. mexicans get a bad rap in america, but they are such happy people! the hotel staff was always SO friendly and helpful. just genuinely cheerful. the mexican kids were all happy and content and polite--i never saw one of them throw a temper tantrum or be nuisances to other people.
• the food. besides it being free and all you could eat allll the time, it was so fresh. everything just tasted better. i even tasted guacamole for the first time in my life bc the avocado in my sushi was so good (i was, however, skeptical about even initially trying 'mexican sushi' lol. but hey, it's vacation, right? i even drank a corona!). and omg the ice cream at the hotel. . .heavenly.
• being 'disconnected'. when i'm at home, i have heart palpitations if i lose my phone for a second or if it's not working. i don't know what to do with myself if my internet isn't working, etc. . .so i really thought it would be a struggle to get there and enjoy myself without thinking about what i was possibly missing. but it wasn't. as a matter of fact, it was really pleasant to just focus on what and who was around you and not what you could reach through the use of technology. (but of course i had no problem plugging myself back in once we got back).
  

what i did not love:

• that the tsa thinks the world is a safer place if me and lolo are without my 6.8 oz special edition nivea cream :(
• the fact that the exchange rate was somewhere between 12.50 and 13. . .umm, how am i supposed to divide that??
• the other kids. it is hard to tell canadian white people from american white people without listening to them talk, but o-m-g their kids were the surliest, brattiest, ungrateful, most annoying somebodies. after restraining myself from knocking over a 'tyler' for stomping his little crocs through my sand-writing (without so much as a word from his mother), i had to find a happy place in my mind to keep from scowling at every one of them i saw for the rest of the trip. woosah!
  
• the time difference. it wasn't *that* big, but going backwards is always a little jarring. i am just recovering
• the day of traveling. it was literally a day! we got on the shuttle at 5:30 am to go to the airport (2 hours early for the mexican 'customs search'--which involves petite people unzipping your haphazardly packed bag and unproductively semi-rummaging through your stuff) and got back to my place around 8.
• these 2 girls who did the day of traveling with us. o-m-g. they were talking a mile a minute beginning at 5:30 am! everyone else in the shuttle was trying to sleep and be quiet. . .and they were talking! about nothing! we got a little break on the flight from cabo to dallas. then we found out they were going to dc too!! while we were waiting, i sneaked a peak of their tickets and was unreasonably excited when i saw that they were sitting faaar away from us--or so i thought. one of them was, but one of them was sitting directly in front of us. so of course one moved up. nothing more perfect to end a vacation. . .except the rain and cold when we got back. sigh.

anyway, enough complaining. it was a great trip and i'm ready to do it again!

your assets?

so i recently stepped out of a contraption called a monokini--for those of you who don't know, that is a one piece swimsuit with so many scandalous cut-outs that it is sexier than your average bikini--and i thought of an interview that i read with eva mendes where she said she has to be careful what she wears because her curves can turn innocent stuff into scandlous stuff. i have definitely said that before! even a crewneck tshirt can look like a seduction tool when the twins are involved. . .and let's not talk about tank tops! and after some squats and some praying, i have developed a 'dunk to go with the twins--it's got nothing on my friend 'queen dunk' but it's enough to make random guys think it might talk back to them as i walk by. so anyway, i decided that i have, um, too much volume in my lady lumps to wear the monokini outside the house. . .this 'event' coupled with a friend's blog i just read entitled, "do men respect women with fat asses" (i don't curse, but that's what it's called!) made me think about thick being 'in' but is it really?
i think most women know what it feels like to be objectified in the work place--if you're anywhere near cute, some man is going make you feel like you're his eye candy, even if you're more credentialed than he is and haven't done anything to warrant such attention. somehow those button down shirts don't really take the girls into account and there will be gaping at some of the buttons or those straight cut slacks will hug a little on your behind and thighs. . .and someone is bound to notice. ever since i started working i've been aware of men having conversations with my breasts, or arranging 'meetings' where they asked whether i was married or wanted to have lunch or whatever when i just came to work. being a woman in a man's world is hard work. . .
if you're a video girl, or otherwise sell your body--working what you got to get what you want--i suppose having ample bosoms and buttocks is truly, um, an asset. but if you're not and you live in the real world, are they somewhat a gift and a curse? i mean, of course you should be proud of what you have--there are girls paying to get breasts and butts every day! but other than the way you fill out that party dress, how your man likes that extra 'jiggle' or the times you want the attention (face it ladies, we have a double standard here--sometimes we want people to notice how pretty we are or what we have), i wonder if i'm the only one who sometimes thinks these extra parts can just . . .get in the way.

book review: michelle by liza mundy *spoiler alert(?)*

(can you really spoil a famous person's person's biography?)i finished the book a little while ago, but i wanted to get my thoughts together before writing. so. i liked the book--it was a biography so it got a little slow in places and it's not an authorized biography (which gave me pause about even buying it initially) so you could tell that the author was really reaching for people to talk to to help shape the story in parts. but overall, it was a pretty good biography. it sucked me in in the beginning because it was talking about chicago (my honorary hometown) and chicago politics during the time period in which michelle grew up. her story was not super-interesting, partly because we've heard a lot of it before, but the author did a good job of tying pieces together, getting quotes from people, and surveying the media coverage of her (you get the impression that she almost stalkerishly lived, ate, breathed michelle to write this book).
once again, i was impressed by how much michelle and i seem to have in common and so when the author got to the part about michelle at princeton or in law school and the way she generally felt like a fish out of water until she found her niche, either with other black people or with a particular cause, i could relate. there wasn't a lot about her time in law school other than the clinic work she did and the one, completely useless quote from someone who sat next to her in a class on race who said 'she didn't say much in class but she seemed like an affable person' or something like that. thanks.
and i was upset, but not surprised when the white people with whom she worked and the white man who introduced her to the firm said they were disappointed in her when she later criticized the firm and said she didn't like being there. as if they could speak to her experience and say what she should have felt about that environment. ugh. i also got tired of the random white people quoted saying 'she's so funny'. something about that doesn't sit right to me. lol. i know it's well documented that she is witty and can make people laugh, but when when one of the only things a white person can say about someone so personable, educated, and overall impressive is that she's funny, it makes me think they've missed something and shouldn't be quoted.
i think my favorite part was when the author talked about the obama groupies and panty flingers. michelle has the attitude that if someone can come between them then they must not have had very much at all. . .the other side of her calm, cool, collected answer is that everyone who knows them says he knows she would leave him, actually she would kill him first, then she would leave him (as one source put it). he simply says it wouldn't be worth it to cheat on her--which is sweet and noble, but now we know there's a little bit of fear behind those words! lol.
so anyway, of course the book ends before the election. it's funny how it shows how she went from being against the whole politics thing, to reluctantly involved, to very enthusiastically involved, then censoredly involved as the campaign had to 'handle' her and her image. so all in all it was informative and as interesting as possible, i'm sure there will be another one about her as first lady. . .hmm, what else:

betcha didn't know:

• sasha's (the youngest daughter) real name is natasha--they just shortened it and call her sasha at home--and now so do we!
  
• they have a rule--michelle is allowed to poke fun at him in public (not picking up socks, leaving the butter out, etc) but he isn't allowed to to do the same to her
  
• he proposed to her in a restaurant (during the middle of one of her many rantings about how they should get married) by having the waiter bring the ring out on a plate as 'dessert'
  
• they have talked about effecting change and helping to change the country for the better since they first met, but she didn't know that he wanted to do it through politics (the book does a good job of explaining why she was wary of politics). and his early political career caused a significant strain on their relationship. on their annual christmas trip in 1999 they were barely on speaking terms.
• when he made his show-stealing speech at the dnc in 2004 he could barely rent a car to get there--their credit cards were maxed out (i was worried about our first black pres having bad credit, but after that speech the royalties from the first book came flooding in along with a $2 million dollar advance for what would become the audacity of hope)

what i appreciated most/learned from michelle by reading this book:
to my credit, i was pretty much there on my own--anyone who's ever been in a relationship with me has heard me say 'i can't change you or what you do or make you do anything and i won't try, but i can and will change me and what i do, so let me know what you're going to do and i'll adjust myself accordingly'. it saves you a lot of pain, wasted time, and wasted energy if you adopt this approach to dealing with people who aren't your children. lol.
anyway, michelle came to a revelation during their time of not speaking, her being angry and miserable at his absence and even more miserable at his presence, and her time of feeling tricked into being a single parent. she decided to create her happiness. she says she "had to stop being angry and expecting him to change, and focus instead on how she could gain control and extract happiness out of her life." she asked herself "how do i structure my world so that it works for me and i'm not trying to get him to be what i think he should be." she realized that even when he was doing his best when he was at home trying to be a father and husband, it wasn't enough to keep her happy and sane and instead of asking for the impossible of their current situation and being mad that he wasn't making her happy, she decided to make herself happy. she figured out what she needed and that she didn't necessarily need him to be the one doing it--if she needed alone time away from the kids, instead of being mad that he couldn't give it to her, she asked her mom to watch the kids. she was getting what she needed without banging her head against a brick wall. and i hate to generalize, but she did and it helped her. she says she realized that men, all men, put themselves first and everything else after whereas women are more likely to put themselves near the bottom of their own lists.
once she made her revelations and put things into action, she was happier, her household was happier, and it opened up the opportunity for him to become the president--if she hadn't had that revelation, there would be no president barack obama and his adoring family. either he would have been at the top without michelle, or they would be together and he would be in private practice somewhere.
anyway, this is for all ladies in relationships (and even those looking for relationships) from michelle obama (and this poem i like): take control of your own happiness and don't blame him for your unhappiness. don't expect him to fulfill all of your needs or make yourself miserable because your needs aren't being met. extract your own happiness, "plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers."

brrr!

it is widely known that i am not fond of the cold. my people are a tropical people and so i'm one of the only people who isn't complaining when it's nearly 100 degrees in the summertime bc i'd rather that than winter. besides the freeeeeezing weather outside that makes it hard to get out of bed (and makes staying in the office a little longer seem like a good idea), the darkness at 5 pm, and the mess that is snow and ice, it is super hard to be cute in the cold. by the time you've added 5-7 lbs in layering and debated whether it is safe to wear heels, you no longer feel like going through the effort to attain fabulosity (good thing it's in my blood and therefore unavoidable) or going outside period.
anyway, after i found myself cheering at the fact that it was a measly 44 degrees outside when i left for work (as opposed to the 24 of last week) and talking to my friend about how the high where she lives was only 17 degrees (that is not a temperature! that is a date on the calendar!) i was reminded that every year i say there are only 5 good things about the winter/cold, but i can never name them all at the same time, so i've decided to list them here:

• carol's daughter body butter. my favorite is ecstasy. i look forward to the scent and feel-good moisturizing of this product to cheer me up on those stupid winter days that threaten to turn me into a dry, cracked raisin.
• peppermint hot chocolate. i first tried it at starbucks and i fell in love. this is such a grown up twist on an old favorite. . .or maybe it's not so grown up. doesn't matter to me.
• cashmere. i have always had expensive taste. cashmere is my winter splurge. it is so soft and warm, it makes you almost glad--almost--to have a reason to wear it
• flannel sheets. they make it even harder to get out of the bed in the morning! and when you get in the bed they are already warm and soft and waiting for you!
• fireplaces/the smell of fireplaces. it's just a comforting feeling. i'm all about nostalgia. and i could stare at a fire in a fireplace forever.

okay, so now my list is down. my silver lining to this cloud. sigh.