candy girls--nothing sweet

so. i had seen commercials for this show and i was immediately ready to write it off. it's supposed to profile the 'glamorous lives of those in the industry' aka video girls. okay, anyone who knows anything about the industry knows that life as a video girl is anything but glamorous. even if you 'make it' a la superhead and are treated like the recycling rather than straight garbage, life is rough. that is not a stable living, even with an agency. i would venture to guess most of these girls are waitresses or something on the side. there is no way you can support yourself as a career video girl--there just aren't that many videos and they don't pay that much! if they consider themselves glamorous bc they get to vie for the attention of random rappers up close and personal ('i got to sleep with so and so!') then they can have that, but don't try to make people think that life as a video girl is 1) glamorous 2) anything to aspire toward.
let me talk about the show. the show is based on this woman danielle and her 'agency' called candy girls (let it not escape you that wikipedia's entry for candy girls says 'a line of sex dolls manufactured by orient industries). the other women in the cast are danielle's go-to makeup lady/stylist, who seems to lack personal style (she is tyson beckford's baby momma--hmm. i didn't think tyson was straight), some woman who wasn't in the first show and then the video girls. there is brooke, terrica, olivia, and blanca. i was hesitant to use this picture for this post bc these girls look *nothing* like these pics. they are average at best for the most part (olivia and brooke are pretty girls) but somehow think they are god's gift to tv. we know there's room for average girls in video girl world *if* you are thick (ie. we'll put you in the video but won't show your face unless it's a quick flash, in the dark, or a silhouette) but these girls are none of that. they are all pretty skinny and need lots of makeup to look any better than that woman you just passed on the street.
the dialogue on the show made me cringe from embarrassment. i knew it would be scripted and fake. i did not know it would be soooo embarrassing! first of all, this little olivia girl is just painful to watch. if she is that naive and sheltered, she need not be on this show. we are supposed to believe she was at ucla and she is trying to be an actress by exposing herself to 'the industry' as a video girl. a few problems: she is shy, naive, and her attempt at acting--fail. how are you going to be a shy video girl??
then it went straight to stereotypes--the darker skinned girls were the attitudinal ones from the jump, the lighter skinned girls were the sweet innocent ones. i don't even want to mention how if blanca was as funny looking as she is but brown she wouldn't be considered beautiful, attractive, or whatever else we're supposed to think they are. terrica's attitude almost cost her her job as she took the attitudinal black b**** thing to a whole new level. and she is just mean for no reason but is a mother (ps-where is her daughter while she's supposed to be living in this house?).
oh and then we're led to believe that it is a rite of passage for minority women to go to jail/be arrested as the group scoffs at olivia for not ever having been arrested. it was almost too much to bear.
i don't know where they're going from here, but you can pretty much count me out.
overall impression: womp, womp

your assets?

so i recently stepped out of a contraption called a monokini--for those of you who don't know, that is a one piece swimsuit with so many scandalous cut-outs that it is sexier than your average bikini--and i thought of an interview that i read with eva mendes where she said she has to be careful what she wears because her curves can turn innocent stuff into scandlous stuff. i have definitely said that before! even a crewneck tshirt can look like a seduction tool when the twins are involved. . .and let's not talk about tank tops! and after some squats and some praying, i have developed a 'dunk to go with the twins--it's got nothing on my friend 'queen dunk' but it's enough to make random guys think it might talk back to them as i walk by. so anyway, i decided that i have, um, too much volume in my lady lumps to wear the monokini outside the house. . .this 'event' coupled with a friend's blog i just read entitled, "do men respect women with fat asses" (i don't curse, but that's what it's called!) made me think about thick being 'in' but is it really?
i think most women know what it feels like to be objectified in the work place--if you're anywhere near cute, some man is going make you feel like you're his eye candy, even if you're more credentialed than he is and haven't done anything to warrant such attention. somehow those button down shirts don't really take the girls into account and there will be gaping at some of the buttons or those straight cut slacks will hug a little on your behind and thighs. . .and someone is bound to notice. ever since i started working i've been aware of men having conversations with my breasts, or arranging 'meetings' where they asked whether i was married or wanted to have lunch or whatever when i just came to work. being a woman in a man's world is hard work. . .
if you're a video girl, or otherwise sell your body--working what you got to get what you want--i suppose having ample bosoms and buttocks is truly, um, an asset. but if you're not and you live in the real world, are they somewhat a gift and a curse? i mean, of course you should be proud of what you have--there are girls paying to get breasts and butts every day! but other than the way you fill out that party dress, how your man likes that extra 'jiggle' or the times you want the attention (face it ladies, we have a double standard here--sometimes we want people to notice how pretty we are or what we have), i wonder if i'm the only one who sometimes thinks these extra parts can just . . .get in the way.

barack my world!

so i'm in the middle of reading michelle obama's biography (review coming later) and besides learning how much we have in common (thus earning me the nickname "mini-michelle") it made me think about how she has become a role model for so many black women. black women are and will be stepping up their respective game to be seen as a 'michelle'. they may even have to update webster's to let the world know what it means to be a michelle! my friends and i talk about her at length and one of my friends, who i will call cocoa kitty, even wrote a note where she aptly and eloquently ponders the real question for so many successful black women looking for their complement:

"I wonder am I strong enough on my own yet submissive enough to allow the right man to lead our future family and me? It’s a balance that the self-described “mom-in-chief” has gracefully achieved. She hasn’t given up who she is to let her man shine. Best friends for sixteen years, her light helps him shine. I’m sure he’d tell you that any day of the week. "

all of this makes me proud, but it also makes me wonder. . .are there enough baracks for all the aspiring michelles? so this post isn't so much about how to become a michelle, but more about if the guys we date could really handle a michelle--despite the fact that they are saying that's what they're looking for. i'm not talking about the obvious--she is one tall glass of water (taller than the average man), she graduated from two ivy league schools, and when she was working she made close to a half a million dollars a year--these things alone are intimidating, but that's not what i'm talking about.

we see all of the adorable loving pictures of michelle and barack. their love is real, their family is strong, and you know that she admires and supports him. . .but what you may or may not know is that he has earned every bit of that admiration and support and continues to have to do so. michelle is not easily impressed. there are stories about how she treated her suitors before barack. . .most romances were short lived. she didn't take anybody's crap and was looking for someone who was worthy of her and what she had to offer. pause there ladies--did you hear that? she didn't stoop, make excuses, or lower her standards so that she wouldn't have to be alone. better yet, did you hear that gentlemen--if you were late for a date without calling, couldn't hold an intelligent conversation, or had no ambitions or passion, michelle wasn't going to wait around for you to get yourself together. and the thing is, she wasn't materialistic--she didn't expect for you to make the same amount of money she did, or have the same educational pedigree or familial background as she had. i'm sure you've heard that barack used to drive her around in a car with a hole rusted in the floor--and she smiled and watched the ground go by as they chatted. she knew to look for what really counted. . .and when she found it, she knew it! barack was trying to be the typical 'intelligent male' and would go on and on about how marriage was a superficial institution and all that really mattered was how they felt about each other--michelle wasn't trying to hear that. she let him know what she wanted and clearly she got it. (can you believe b thought he was going to get away with that? you betta put a ring on it!)
and he also jokes about how she told him that he couldn't take for granted that he had her vote for the presidency--she told him he'd have to earn it! he knows he can look to her for support, but that she's also going to tell it like it is. . .she is just as quick to yank off the rose-colored glasses as she is to rub his head after a long day. she's been criticized for being emasculating (code for not letting him play the victim or toot his own horn for too long), and it is kinda funny to hear him say things like 'yes, she said 'congratulations on becoming the first black president--you're taking the kids to school in the morning, right?'' or to see her check him in interviews ('umm, when was washing the dishes ever soothing for you??'). but you know when he lays down beside her at night he knows that her love is real, that when she says 'good job' she means it, and when she played mariah's 'hero' backstage before the election results that he really is her hero--and that ain't no small thing.
if you know like i know, you know that a lot of men need coddling. they don't care if they're really doing a good job as long as you tell them they are. they get defensive if you criticize them, they let their past issues keep them from present success, and some of them even get envious if you begin to outshine them. they love that 'she got her own' until 'her own' is more than theirs. forget dishwashing being soothing--they will cop an attitude if you ask them to do domestic work. they want to collect the gold stars and brag about being the man. . .but don't want to put in the work and don't want you to call them on it. if you point out ways they can improve, you're trying to 'change them' and if you don't support every pipe dream ('sweetie, i don't know if it's a good idea to quit your job and try to start a rap career at 40. . .') then you are an evil, nagging, dream crusher. sadly, many of the nasty stereotypes about black women come from our own brothers--the ones who couldn't recognize their michelle because she was wrapped in that hard exterior to protect herself from the world and they were too lazy to work to get to the softness in the middle, too complacent to let her help their shine, and too scared of having their player card revoked by their friends to settle down and build a family. there is something to be said and understood about the fact that she loves you the way you are. . .but loves you too much to leave you that way. every man is not going to be a barack in the sense of being the first black president, the first black editor of the harvard law review, or being able to speak to move crowds. . .but they can be more barack-like. recognize that you're not perfect and the woman you love knows that better than anyone, let her shine up your armor by pointing out the dents; come to her for the comfort that only she can give, but also come to her for the knowledge and understanding that she has that is different from yours; and be man enough to want to have to earn her love and respect. understand that if all she ever does is agree with you and tell you how great you are, she's doing you a huge disservice. pressure makes diamonds--not rubbing the coal with a gentle cloth.

colorism in 2008

besides yung berg's recent proclamation about not dating 'dark butts', some real life events, and my watching an old movie where all the love interests were light-skinned, but not necessarily pretty, this is a topic that never seems to stay away long enough. i always longed for the day where people would see colorism as symbolic of the ravages of mental enslavement. where our people would realize that having lighter skin, a skinnier nose, or light eyes does not make you 'better', does not make your 'kids cuter' and doesn't mean you're prettier than your darker featured counterparts. i am admittedly biased in this discussion, i'm a cinnamony color (but will round up if you have a 'chocolate deluxe' wu tang shirt--i really want one!) that no one would consider light-skinned and am proud of it. i grew up around mostly white people so i didn't directly experience colorism as a child--either you were white or you weren't. there was no one to compare hair textures or skin color and make value judgments among the black kids. i somehow still picked up the 'white/light is right' idea at an early age and had to unlearn and unshackle myself. . .but that's a different story.
anyway, i just want to know what it's going to take for us to see each other as equally beautiful regardless of hue. when guys are going to stop saying 'you're pretty for a brown girl' or when my eyebrows will stop raising in shock when the love interest in a music video is a pretty brown girl (note i say 'love interest' and not booty shaker--brown girls have always been chosen to shake their booties and be sexualized). when is having features unique to black women (besides a large butt) going to be admired as much as having features that point to having white people in our recent ancestry? and why do we continue to legitimize their beauty standards while they themselves are going under the knife and spending thousands of dollars to look more like us??

**i wanted to update after i read the new newsweek with michelle obama on the cover. i feel a special appreciation for michelle (i can't wait to be able to meet her! and will definitely be saving her vogue cover when it comes out) and was secretly pleased the first time i discovered barack had a brown wife. i think she can do so much just by being herself and i'm so excited about the possibilities. the article featured an author chronicling her brunch discussions with her 'sister friends' about what michelle means to them, which i think is right on:

our conversation wandered into one area we seldom discuss, even among our families and closest confidantes. Michelle is not only african-american, but brown. real brown. in an era when beauty is often defined on television, in magazines and in moves as fair or white skin, long straight hair and keen features, michelle looks nothing like the supermodels who rule the catwalks or the porcelain faced actresses who hawk must-have cosmetics. yet now she's going to grace the march cover of vogue magazine--the ultimate affirmation of beauty.
who and what is beautiful has long been a source of pain, anger, and frustration in the african-american community. in too many cases, beauty for black women (and even black men) has meant fair skin, "good har" and dainty facial features. over the years, african-american icons likelena horne, dorothy dandridge, halle berry and beyonce--while beautiful and talented--haven't exactly represented the diversity of complexions and features of most black women in this country. that limited scope has had a profound effect on the self-esteem of many african-american women. . .

grown women and chris brown

i was reminded of this topic when i saw how chris brown had cleaned up at the amas: i was able to hold off until 'with you'. . .which is a long time if you think about it. but eventually i had to admit i had a grown woman crush on the barely legal chris brown. it just felt too cliche--can everyone really have a crush on this little boy?? it's not the same thing as my crush on chris paul (whom i affectionately refer to as my pyt), but it's still there. doesn't chris brown just put a smile on your face? he's so talented and sings with such passion about things that he probably shouldn't know about. and he stole my heart when he was on 'punk'd' and showed such protectiveness over his mommy. he's not really built--actually he's tall and lanky, kinda pale, and his teeth are a little big. . .but somehow you end up completely understanding the teeny boppers and their swooning! i even felt like i had to approve of his gf--it wouldn't have been okay for him to be booed up with anyone less than rhianna.
it's a really strange phenomenon--but come on ladies, 'fess up, you know have a grown woman crush on c-breezy!

the doubly disadvantaged

the issue of sex and race have been at the forefront of this past election. never before have we had the experience of having a black person and a woman named to both of the major party tickets in this country at the same time. while i was observing the celebrations of president obama's historic victory and reflecting on the fact that he earned 95% of the black vote, i was thinking about that crazy black woman from the democratic primaries who was crying about hillary's loss and saying she may not vote for the first time since she's been 18. without reliving the incredulity of the moment, i was moved to consider black women and their allegiances. we've been branded the "doubly disadvantaged" for being both a racial and sexual minority--the double layered glass ceiling, if you will. and i've had several interesting conversations with people about whether they consider themselves black first or a woman first.
personally, it has never been a hard decision for me--while my ancestors were being beaten and lynched, white women were sitting sipping lemonade on their slave-owner daddy's porches, sure they had their own issues, but far removed from the pains of being black in this nation founded on the premise of white superiority. this was made even clearer when i got to ivy league law and easily interacted with other black law students (despite our various cultural and social backgrounds and the fact that i was one of only about 4 hbcu grads there during my whole 3 year experience), but never found myself throwing myself into the activities, causes (sure we needed a more diverse faculty--but i had trouble complaining about the fact that there were only 20 women professors, when i knew there were only 2 black ones), or meetings of the women's association. as far as i could tell, many of the white women were no more like me than their male counterparts, with the exception of a few body parts. i know of 2 people who seemed as involved in blsa as in the women's association and i was duly fascinated by their ability to do so.
you see, it's not that i ever for a second underestimate the struggles associated with being a woman. i know it's hard and i know we've had to fight for our rights and the ability to sit at the table with the big boys. . .but i also know that i have womanly struggles and stereotypes that are unique to black women.
historically, black women were forced to put their 'women issues' on the back burner for the advancement of the race--we knew that the men would have to be able to walk through the door first and we were counting on them to bring them with us. the struggle for voting rights, for example, would have taken much longer if we had insisted on all of us having them at the same time. many black women have learned to see the uplifting of our race in tandem with the uplifting of "us" in general.
all this to say, i suspect this is why mccain didn't sway as many black women with the 'palin choice'--we can easily look at her and not see ourselves. and i was wondering 1) how hillary would have gone about wooing the black women voters--or if she would have taken us for granted, would it have been because of our democraticness or because of our womanness and 2) would black woman have been celebrating in the streets the way white women surely would have been at the announcement of a hillary presidential victory?

is this why they think we're crazy?

i don't know too many females who don't like this song. it's catchy and it has that hip-swaying beat. . .but then there are those who like it because of the words and sentiments (as in 'yeah girl, lemme catch him with some broad up in my house, busting windows won't be the half') . and i don't know too many black men who don't pause and make a face when it comes on--i actually saw a man with a look of horror on his face when this came on in the club the other night and the women got all hype. black women get a bad rap for this (see, 'waiting to exhale') but are we the only ones who take out our emotional pain on their physical objects?? (and i say 'we' meaning my sisters. i have done far too much work/school and my character and fitness is in issue--i'm not trying to do anything that will have me catching a charge. tee hee) and does it have the desired effect? i mean, are our feelings equivalent to his car windows--or do we just think that's the closest we can get?