housewives of atl--reunited!

soooooooooooo.
first, smooches to my girls who joined the 'virtual watch party' and to all of those who thought it was a cute idea but could only be there in spirit. lol.
now, i still haven't seen episode 7--i will catch a marathon and update the blog. i really only want to see it so can see mychael knight tell sheree about herself. what i was really looking forward to was the reunion show!! it was pretty juicy, huh?

preliminarily:

• wheeeeere did they get that goofy white man host?? was that some kind of joke?? the show would have been so much juicier with someone who would have instigated instead of reading the questions like they were poetry and trying to control the back and forth like it was a therapy session
• further, why do white people always think everyone needs to be friends?? if you find out someone is trifling and have a falling out, nothing obliges you to be friends with a trifling person! nene and kim may never be friends again. . .maybe they will. get over it, goofy white host.
  
• they are taking the georgia peach thing TOO far. those peaches on the table looked too random! and were those mimosas? none of the girls touched them until dwight, like maybe they thought they might have been poisoned. i mean, who really has time to sip bubbly when you have other things popping off!
• those questions were so random. i wish someone would have let me submit one or two.

the good stuff:

• hair check: kim-always a no. sheree-what was she thinking with that high ponytail AND the full swoop bang?? you can leave some weave in the bag honey. nene-love love the new cut and that color was sooo pretty. lisa-eh. her whole ensemble just seemed like she didn't really care about this reunion thing. and deshawn-she just tried to do too much i think. it was right at the cute level and she pushed it over into not that cute anymore. better luck next time
• kim: 1) i'm going to go ahead and say she's 39, she threw out that number like it was a joke, but it sounds more realistic than 29, soooo... 2) omg to her crocodile tears! whyy are you crying about the cancer that you don't have?? and yes, people do choose to wear wigs, hair pieces, etc. . .what are you talking about?? 3) heaven help us all if she really has an album to come out in january. please let that have been another one of her lies. 4) i told you guys a while ago that she would get dumped for not playing her position. and whyy did she lie as if there wasn't footage that shows her saying that big poppa asked not to be named?? we know you don't have any discretion, kim. that idea would not have come from you.
• deshawn: omg, o-m-g. she is cute and all, seems very sweet, and hasn't done anything to anyone but that child is SLOW! did you see her blank stares throughout the show?? she just sat with her hands neatly folded, smiling when she thought it was time, daydreaming about gaudy oscar statues. and the host really threw her off when he asked her a question outside of her designated 'segment'. they had to rescue her, she had already started flailing her feet in an effort to stall for time. poor thing. it doesn't help that she can't close her mouth bc of all the money and time she's invested in getting all of her top teeth to be the same size. you just want to hug her and send her back home. there, there shawni.
• sheree: umm, it's really like her to have ripped her oddly long, short sleeve sweater dress and have tried to play it off like it was fashion. . .so that's what i'm going to say happened. did anyone else notice the hole on her shoulder-neck area?? besides the fact that it was assymetrical and hole-looking, i kept waiting for her to move that 'tail so i could see the other side to see if maybe i was wrong--there wasn't a hole on the other side! i really think she tried to fool us! there was a hole in her dress! and how guilty do you sound when someone accuses you of being a gold-digger and you reply 'what is a gold digger?' puh. leez. lemme hand you a mirror. and she her groupie kim are such liars--she still can't even say with a straight face that it was an accident that nene was left off that party list. ugh, i cannot stand sheree.
• lisa aka 'i am the wrong one!' aka 'i will flip you over this couch, really'. i believe her!! besides the fact that she is diesel, she seems a little off. if i was kim, i'd be scared! kim seems not to have learned the cardinal rule of getting in fights with black girls--when they are mad, do NOT turn your back on them, you will get snatched by your hair and dragged to the ground--just bc you think it's over, doesn't mean it's over! anyway, i was less than impressed by lisa's outfit (but i see those boots!!), her makeup was pretty, but everything else left much to be desired. she was cute trying to hold nene back tho--that's a lot of woman to keep back, little lisa! and lol to her prescribing medication to kim! there is nothing wrong with kim that a good old fashioned beat down won't cure. . .too bad we know she'll sue (she's got to be on the hunt for something or someone to support her now that big poppa's gone). i was disappointed to have finally confirmed that she was the one who told about nene's song--but i was glad that she had already apologized and come clean to nene so the hyena sisters couldn't use that against her. and while i loved her reaction, who let the gay boy waste a question by asking about her sharing her husband??
• and saving the best for last, nene! she was full of quotables, some of my personal faves: "i'll see you outside" "i will wear that wig off your head" "close your legs to married men" "you trashy hooker" "give him my number though"(re anderson cooper's crush! how crazy is that? lol). anyway, nene brought the real, like we all knew she would. i wish she would have put kim on blast and said who big poppa really is. and i thought it was funny when she called kim on that 'chicken' thing and then proceeded to say 'we had lamb and shrimp, thank you very much' lol! and she definitely 'owned' that stripper thing. . .i don't know why people were suprised anyway, she was a single mother and it *is* atlanta where a significant population of women who haven't been formally educated see it as a viable means of putting food in their children's mouths.
  
• and i have to mention dwight (and how excited am i that he's getting his own show??) 1) why does his weave look better than kim's?? 2) he was really brave to put his hands in kim's hair. . .it looks like it smells and may have occupants 3) loved the way he came on the set and plopped himself between tweedle-lame and tweedle-liar and proceeded not to waste the liquor that had been sitting there all hour. lol

the better stuff:

• if you are like me you were waiting for a throwdown!! something happened on the set that made both lisa and her husband feel the need to 'clear the air' and talk to essence, among other things, denying allegations that lisa threatened to kill kim and that there was a restraining order. and we know lisa did not flip out and get that mad just from the allegations about the nene song. rumor has it that kim said that lisa was a "crack whore" and that's why she didn't have her kids. . .and that's what set her off.
• speaking of lisa's kids, i want to hear more about her abusive relationship with keith sweat. that man knows he's no good. . .
• it has also been said that all of the girls were asked to pose in playboy (can you imagine that job 'hey guys, i love the show! wanna get naked? no? a little naked??') but it seems only kim has agreed, and lisa kinda stabs at her when she says why she herself would never pose for playboy. don't you feel sorry for kim's daughters and their futures?
  
• there have been rumors that the house nene was in for the show was actually rented for the show (not that i can blame her for not wanting people in her real house, regardless of what it looks like!) and that she and her husband are having financial troubles. i wonder how that's going. . .

anyway, i'm ready for season 2!! this is such a guilty pleasure. . .

musings on housewives. episodes 5 & 6

since i got played last week and couldn't watch the re-airing of the show during my normal time, i had to watch last week's episode and this week's episode back to back--it was like feeding an addiction! even after watching two episodes, i didn't want it to go off! i can't believe next week is the last episode :( but i heard there is going to be d-r-a-m-a at the reunion show! so at least i have that to look forward to!
anyway, i might get the episodes mixed up, but here are my thoughts:

• i know people have showed me 'documentation' that kim is really 29, but i'm still not believing it--i know 'white cracks', but botox every 6 months from the time you're 24?? okay kim, you might have been getting botox for 5 years, but at least concede that you were older than 24 5 years ago. have mercy. and what is with white women acting like botox is candy or something--are you gonna get some? you should try it!
  
• i ♥ nene's gbf, with his 'prettiest feet he's ever seen on a man'. . .he is full of classics. 'what do you call a fashion show with no fashion? nuthin'. . .i call it nuthin' lol! hilarious. . .
• speaking of which. . .why was sheree trying to act like she wasn't embarassed by the lack of fashion at her fashion show. umm, if you're not embarassed, you should be! if you were having a party or an art exhibition, call it that. . .not a fashion viewing. also, i am SO mad at her for patting herself on the back like she was spending her own money to do this line--umm, where did you work to earn said money? it is your husband's money that is funding this line, sweetie.
• i also want to know if sheree's daughter ever got her piece of apple. . .i've already mentioned that i'm nervous that these kids are being traumatized by their mothers' narcissm, but i really worry about sheree's kids.
  
• i know we all see it in our every day lives. . .but this show makes it so clear that some people never mature past high school. maybe if they actually had lives and business there wouldn't be so much gossiping and foolishness, but then again, there wouldn't be a show either. lol. kim and sheree are the worst wanna-be mean girls ever--and i think of deshawn as that dumb blonde girl from the movie. she just seems slow to me.
  
• i really want to know who told sheree about nene's drunk song (nene was SO into her song though, we even got a direct look into the camera! and dare i say she sounded better than kim!). to me, the obvious choice was deshawn, besides the fact that i think she has no business and just wants to create some, lisa seems so anti-drama. i know i'm biased, but she just doesn't seem like the type to turn around and quote the drunk song to sheree, knowing it would get back to kim. so of course deshawn's actions, trying to fix everything afterward just seemed guilt-driven (btw, kim is SO wrong for hanging up the phone on her!). but by the end of the episode, i wasn't really sure. . .say it ain't so lisa!
  
• the husbands are pretty funny to me. . .nene's poor husband just gave up on trying to keep her under control after a while, and i really like lisa and ed's relationship--they seem like such good friends and he follows the girl drama so well!
• lol to lisa swimming in her coverup. . .without getting her face in the water so she wouldn't mess up her makeup
  
• kim. oh kim. 1) big girls don't send text messages! if you have something to say, at least call! you know you only get 160 characters in a text message--your attempt to tell nene about herself loses its force by the 4th screen. 2) cat doesn't have a k in it. . .forget the abc's of music, you need to learn the abc's, period. 3) nene is right. . .you aren't friends with dallas austin, big poppa is! he is cordially nice to you out of the fact that his pockets are being padded while you tone-deafly mumble through studio time and because he can get a little tv time while doing so (ps-is it just me, or is rosa mexicana SO overrated). 4) it goes without saying, so i didn't want to say it, but i just have to emphasize how much kim cannot sing--boo to her groupie sheree for saying her singing in the car sounded good (and where did she get that glass of wine she had in the car?? it wasn't even a red cup, it was a real wine glass!) 5) i did not need to know that you don't wear panties. . .neither did the rest of the world--you have daughters! it's time for some discretion. . .we could all look at you and tell you were classless and trashy, no need for specifics. maybe nene is right. . .maybe your wig is too tight!
  
• umm, why did you guys fumble through taking that little boat to an island. . .and then complain about everything that makes an island?? 'omg eww is that a clam?' 'eww, there's sand blowing on me!' 'ugh. the sun!' what exactly did you think you would find when you got to the island??
• poor deshawn's little fundraiser with the gaudy oscars is going to be the running joke of the show!
  
• i don't think i've said it before, but i LOVE the purple dress nene wears in her little intro scene. . .someone tell me where to get it!
• speaking of nene, i know she's earned a place in people's hearts because she makes them laugh. . .but after finding out more about her life, do you get the feeling that she's a 'laugh to keep from crying' type of person? i wonder if maury has called to offer to have her on his show yet. . .

oh ladies.

musings on housewives. episode 4

so beyond the fact that it's getting hard to find new pictures of the group, i think lisa deserves a solo shot because she is my favorite. i've told people from the beginning how i like her because 1) she seems the most genuine and the least showy 2) she actually works and seems to understand the value of a dollar more than the others and 3) she seems to have actual friends and not be obsessed with the 'lifestyle' she has been afforded. i mean, we had two episodes revolving around deshawn's auction and it didn't even do well, whereas lisa shows her 'don't speak about it, be about it' attitude and sneaks up on us with a jewelry trunk show that lands her an even bigger opportunity and a photo shoot with derek blanks--which she killed! (shout out to derek, btw, for doing those yummy photo shoots of fellow howardite, lance gross). lisa is a hustler, homie!
other thoughts:

• did anyone else not feel sorry for deshawn as she dramatically fled to her bedroom and sobbed in her palatial estate? 1) she doesn't do anything, she has this one event and still feels the need to hire an event planner--umm, aren't you supposed to be the event planner? 2) she spent $30,000 on an event at her house--she didn't even have to rent space, just gaudy oscar statues for outside! then she put 'invites' on countertops in the mall--inviting all of pookie n'em to have free food and drinks at an nfl star's house. . .and was crying because no one bid on her stuff! that was just a party for them--nene and mark hayes (why did they call him by his full name the whole time) were just distracting background noise 3) out of all those dresses, she chose that one to wear?? 4) her husband needs to reign her in in general, or they will be broke in no time.
• kim is as fake and funny looking as her hair. how is nene her best friend and the light of her daughter's life one week then the next week she feels the same way about sheree and nene. . .and is a straight up sheree groupie?? puh-leez.
• umm, is it just me or does sheree have some HUGE hands. . .i'm not ready to say she's a man yet, but imma keep an eye on her. lol
• nene's gbf is off the hook. . .i was so mad at him telling her son 'be you. . .pick what you like' and then saying 'eww, you like that?? that's dreadful' to everything the boy picked out--while trying to turn him into a mini-me and delicately fingering the pink fabrics.
• but lol to him being right about deshawn's auction--he looked like he had smelled something foul when he said 'it's free??? how she expect to make any money like that??'
• kids: what do these women do with their kids while they're out gallavanting?? it seems like those babies see their mothers on tv more than they do in real life!
• umm, lisa's husband has a 'donk. lawdamercy to the red speedo (and lol to lisa like 'you can't just be showing it to everyone! that's mine!')
• someone please tell me what nene has against a bra. . .
  

musings on housewives. episode 3

so i'm blaming my p-in-i for missing the original airing of the show this week and also for my catching the re-run last night (thanks, boo!) unfortunately once again i have to talk about kim.
this lesson is called 'play your position'. by now it is common knowledge that kim is a jump off. her big poppa is some man with a family somewhere (i guess in atl, but does that mean his actual housewife was too boring to make the show?). here she is on tv, trying to get her 15 secs and is about to blow the level of comfort her jump off status has entitled her to. although the man said he didn't want to be named and so she isn't naming him, you know that if you dangle the bait, the fish will bite. people are going crazy trying to find out who 'big poppa' is. . .all because they don't want us to know. if he gets discovered kim is going to be in trouble. for what? not playing her position. jump offs are not housewives (umm, why didn't the editors catch this? how did a jump off end up on a show about housewives??) and are supposed to be quiet and exercise discretion. i would direct her to the joe budden song, 'pump it up' for instructions on what a jump off is supposed to do. i mean, she was smart enough to get a ballin' 'big poppa' but she's got to know how to keep him.
other thoughts:

• sheree is a hater and seems a tad miserable
  
• nene needs a bra
• i'm mad nene laughed like kim was telling a joke when she was talking about her singing career
  
• nene really told the psychic 'shet up girl'. . .lol
  
• kim's weave is older than 29--why did she look dead in the camera and lie to us--suuuure you're 29. . .plus 8
  
• lol @ record deals for people who hum--but forreal, if you want credibility as a singer, start at home. why don't your friends know you sing?
• why does nene's boo look like he could be her daddy--paternity problem solved!
• i want to go to a make up bar!
  
• why is sheree so self-important??
• lol @ tardy for the party--are those songs the actual makings of a hit record? imma need dallas to get that under control
  
• why did nene act like kim was talking about a 3-headed monster when kim said sheree was pretty? 'really??' lol! i mean, i don't like sheree at all. . .but she didn't deserve that!
  
• i loooove the gbf! that crisp pink shirt. . .you betta do it!
  
• why did nene let aun-tee go on tv looking like a clown =/ (but she looked good for 80, huh?)

stay tuned for next week--by then the world will have discovered who big poppa is! too bad it won't affect the show =/

hotlanta housewives

sooooo this type of show isn't usually my thing, but i got sucked in. and when i say sucked in, i mean watching AND texting about what i'm watching with my newest partner in ignorance.
i just can't believe some of the stuff that goes on on this show. . .and then my mouth dropped further in incredulity when a caller on the morning show i listen to said she's proud to see black people doing well and so she's proud of these ladies. hmmm.
now, i know that being a mother and wife is a lot of work--but that's not what is providing these women with money. i assume then, the caller was proud of them for 'marrying well'? i did notice that a few of the ladies do work in some other capacity--but they do the leisurely work that marrying well is allowing them to do--such as running charitable organizations or trying to sell $4.6 million dollar homes in a recession.
i love to see my people do well as much as the next person--probably more, but goodness, aren't we the flashiest when we are doing well? conspicuous consumption is alive and well in the houses of these housewives. (sidebar: i feel ok lumping kim into some of these generalizations because she says she's a black girl trapped inside a white girl's body. i'm not sure exactly how she came to that conclusion, but i'll run with it since it suits my current purposes). sheree had $6500 worth of shoes shopped to her home for her own personal fashion show--and in the next few moments was talking about her desire for a 7-figure lump sum divorce settlement. kim spent more on her daughter's 11th birthday party than some people make a year--$2000 on the cake alone, and two louis vuitton bags, one that costs $1610. i just cannot get over this. i understand spoiling your children and wanting them to have the things you never had. . .but if you do this for her 11th birthday, what will you do for her sweet 16?? or when you're celebrating an accomplishment like graduation? and the child already seemed to be unfazed by all these materialistic showings, she was surly and ungrateful to say the least. it's as if she feels she deserves all of this and it is owed to her. if that kind of lavish party and gift giving doesn't make you happy, you have a very sad life ahead of you. . .the real world doesn't come close to having a louis bag dropped in your lap!

i also didn't get:

• why kim's white girl weave/wig/lacefront looked so. . .horrible
• why sheree was so pressed to go to the kiddie party
• why sheree is pronounced sha-ray
• why kim dressed her 'girls' in lace and brought them out to play at her daughter's birthday party
• if you're going to spend more on a birthday cake than some people spend on a wedding cake, why didn't you do the whole 'cake tasting' thing so you wouldn't be standing there with the stank face on the day of the party?
• why nene tried to make it seem like some grand set up and didn't just tell the rest of the crew that she had talked to sheree before kim's little spazz attack. . .that was so extra
• why deshawn thinks she needs a personal assistant. . .or for that matter, why she thinks helping her kids get dressed in the morning and shooing them down to breakfast cooked by a chef (and probably driven to school by a chauffeur while she gets her makeup done for her day of leisure) is even remotely as stressful as being a single parent

this show is quite. . .an experience.