book review: midnight by sister souljah *spoiler alert*

had i not been so excited about re-living my freshman year experience with my 3c girls and winter santiaga, i might have waited for some reviews of this book so that i would know what to expect. . .but i couldn't wait. i bought it the day it came out and began reading. i don't normally read fiction books (i'm planning a revolution, remember? besides, i get enough fiction and junk entertainment thrown at me on a regular basis anyway) but i make a few exceptions. this was one of them.
after reading sister souljah's explanation of her book, i realize that i went into it all wrong. it even took me until akemi's third or fourth appearance to remember that the subtitle of the book was 'a gangster love story'. i was hoping for a winter sighting somewhere before it ended, wondering how sister souljah was going to make him grow all the way up before the end of the book. i admit to calling it a 'sequel' to coldest winter ever once or twice. all that to say, i have always liked sister souljah's writing--clear and descriptive, word choice very deliberate, but i can't say i loved this book.

• i HATED the pictures--the little boy that they have pictured throughout this book is not what my mind says midnight looks like. part of the intrigue of the intial character is that he looked different to every woman who read it. you can't ruin that with pictures of a boy who is far from fine! if she would have let me imagine akemi for myself, she too would have been way more beautiful than the girl in the pictures. but nooooo!
• also, despite the fact that this little boy had been exposed to things that made him wise beyond his years, by no stretch of the imagination is this book about a 14 year old. it is too hard to imagine midnight as a 14 year old knowing, doing, and seeing all that he does. nearly impossible. i had to make up my own age for him to avoid the cognitive dissonance that would have resulted from me trying to make him 14
• i did appreciate how well researched the cultures in the book were. you can tell that sister souljah spent time researching the various cultures and religions presented and took deliberate care in delivering the descriptions to her audience--sometimes to the point of overkill, but still a nice touch. i absolutely love the idea of a male being so protective of the women in his life and of how the early influence of a father and other strong males can be so important and influential.
  
• i didn't like the way black american females were portrayed in this book. ss says she was trying to show black women that they had to be 'more' and have more to compete with in this global economy, but the point was lost on me. not one of the black american females midnight comes across is anything other than exaggeration and caricature. the one he does take the time to interact with, 'bangs', deserves a story of her own--i especially didn't like how ss left it in the air and let midnight get away with being able to judge bangs for being a victim of incestuous rape. it is still lost on me how midnight can think it worth the trouble to communicate his religion and way of life with someone he can't even verbally communicate with or understand, but thought it was a waste of time to try to educate any of the black females he came across. he even chose akemi over sudana--who understood him, his culture, and his religion perfectly. it is as if ss is giving black men an excuse to not want to date or marry the women who are more like them, like she's giving them an excuse to be embarassed and/or flee from what the type of women who shaped them. or maybe she is trying to tell black women to be more submissive and quiet? i'm lost. . .
  
• it is wholly unrealistic for someone to fall in love and marry someone whom they have seen no more than 10 times and can't communicate with without an interpreter. this relationship is far too mature. . .then, as if to simplify it all, when they finally do get married, it seems like they just rushed to get married so midnight could feel okay about having sex with her. their relationship couldn't really deepen because they still can't talk to each other, now they are simply playing charades and having sex in his mother's apartment. and it creeped me out when his mother talks about akemi glowing now that they've had sex. furthermore, the last thing they need is to have a baby!
  
• most of all, i don't like books that aren't full stories. you have 498 pages--tell me a full story. end in a period and not an ellipse. it's not fair. if you want to write another book to pick up where this one ended, fine. . .but end this one! she didn't even have the decency to tell us what the letter said or even what happened to his father (btw, were his other wives just thrown out on the street? no one said anything about them coming to the united states)

anyway, i suppose i'll be stuck reading the next one, whenever it comes out--maybe. i mean, part of me wants to know what happens next, but part of me never took the relationship seriously enough to care about what happens to it. maybe if the next one starts with akemi being able to speak english. . .or even arabic, i will feel like reading it.

musings on housewives. episodes 5 & 6

since i got played last week and couldn't watch the re-airing of the show during my normal time, i had to watch last week's episode and this week's episode back to back--it was like feeding an addiction! even after watching two episodes, i didn't want it to go off! i can't believe next week is the last episode :( but i heard there is going to be d-r-a-m-a at the reunion show! so at least i have that to look forward to!
anyway, i might get the episodes mixed up, but here are my thoughts:

• i know people have showed me 'documentation' that kim is really 29, but i'm still not believing it--i know 'white cracks', but botox every 6 months from the time you're 24?? okay kim, you might have been getting botox for 5 years, but at least concede that you were older than 24 5 years ago. have mercy. and what is with white women acting like botox is candy or something--are you gonna get some? you should try it!
  
• i ♥ nene's gbf, with his 'prettiest feet he's ever seen on a man'. . .he is full of classics. 'what do you call a fashion show with no fashion? nuthin'. . .i call it nuthin' lol! hilarious. . .
• speaking of which. . .why was sheree trying to act like she wasn't embarassed by the lack of fashion at her fashion show. umm, if you're not embarassed, you should be! if you were having a party or an art exhibition, call it that. . .not a fashion viewing. also, i am SO mad at her for patting herself on the back like she was spending her own money to do this line--umm, where did you work to earn said money? it is your husband's money that is funding this line, sweetie.
• i also want to know if sheree's daughter ever got her piece of apple. . .i've already mentioned that i'm nervous that these kids are being traumatized by their mothers' narcissm, but i really worry about sheree's kids.
  
• i know we all see it in our every day lives. . .but this show makes it so clear that some people never mature past high school. maybe if they actually had lives and business there wouldn't be so much gossiping and foolishness, but then again, there wouldn't be a show either. lol. kim and sheree are the worst wanna-be mean girls ever--and i think of deshawn as that dumb blonde girl from the movie. she just seems slow to me.
  
• i really want to know who told sheree about nene's drunk song (nene was SO into her song though, we even got a direct look into the camera! and dare i say she sounded better than kim!). to me, the obvious choice was deshawn, besides the fact that i think she has no business and just wants to create some, lisa seems so anti-drama. i know i'm biased, but she just doesn't seem like the type to turn around and quote the drunk song to sheree, knowing it would get back to kim. so of course deshawn's actions, trying to fix everything afterward just seemed guilt-driven (btw, kim is SO wrong for hanging up the phone on her!). but by the end of the episode, i wasn't really sure. . .say it ain't so lisa!
  
• the husbands are pretty funny to me. . .nene's poor husband just gave up on trying to keep her under control after a while, and i really like lisa and ed's relationship--they seem like such good friends and he follows the girl drama so well!
• lol to lisa swimming in her coverup. . .without getting her face in the water so she wouldn't mess up her makeup
  
• kim. oh kim. 1) big girls don't send text messages! if you have something to say, at least call! you know you only get 160 characters in a text message--your attempt to tell nene about herself loses its force by the 4th screen. 2) cat doesn't have a k in it. . .forget the abc's of music, you need to learn the abc's, period. 3) nene is right. . .you aren't friends with dallas austin, big poppa is! he is cordially nice to you out of the fact that his pockets are being padded while you tone-deafly mumble through studio time and because he can get a little tv time while doing so (ps-is it just me, or is rosa mexicana SO overrated). 4) it goes without saying, so i didn't want to say it, but i just have to emphasize how much kim cannot sing--boo to her groupie sheree for saying her singing in the car sounded good (and where did she get that glass of wine she had in the car?? it wasn't even a red cup, it was a real wine glass!) 5) i did not need to know that you don't wear panties. . .neither did the rest of the world--you have daughters! it's time for some discretion. . .we could all look at you and tell you were classless and trashy, no need for specifics. maybe nene is right. . .maybe your wig is too tight!
  
• umm, why did you guys fumble through taking that little boat to an island. . .and then complain about everything that makes an island?? 'omg eww is that a clam?' 'eww, there's sand blowing on me!' 'ugh. the sun!' what exactly did you think you would find when you got to the island??
• poor deshawn's little fundraiser with the gaudy oscars is going to be the running joke of the show!
  
• i don't think i've said it before, but i LOVE the purple dress nene wears in her little intro scene. . .someone tell me where to get it!
• speaking of nene, i know she's earned a place in people's hearts because she makes them laugh. . .but after finding out more about her life, do you get the feeling that she's a 'laugh to keep from crying' type of person? i wonder if maury has called to offer to have her on his show yet. . .

oh ladies.

we're not done yet!

i had been hearing whispers even before election day about what a 'president obama' would mean for america. . .outside of ending the past 8 years of turmoil, what would it mean for race relations? i had heard jokes about white people voting for him out of guilt, as their sort of atonement for slavery and how they would feel pardoned if he won. then i read this article by one of my least favorite black people, john mcwhorter, and it made me think even more. i am afraid of what this election means to those who don't truly understand. . .yes, jfk predicted that this would happen, but while this says something about race relations, it doesn't say much about racism. barack obama being president does not mean racism is dead. i repeat, racism is still alive and well.
how do i know? i live it every day, i watch it on the news. . .and i watched this campaign. i watched the way barack had to tread carefully over certain issues, how he couldn't get too angry for fear of appearing like the angry menacing black man of the stereotypes, how he couldn't stoop to mccain's level of mudslinging--even if he had wanted to, how he had to be 10 times smarter than his opponent--who still won too many states simply off the strength of being white, his wife had to be 10 times more on point, his kids 10 times cuter. i know you all got the email comparing the credentials of the candidates then asked if the race would even be close if barack was white. i'm sure you've heard the rumblings that barack is the antichrist (as a matter of fact it's a suggested google search if you search his name!) or that he is muslim and/or a terrorist (because evidently they are the same thing).
i also wondered how much barack's complexion played a role in this election. . .i wonder if america would have been ready for a mandigo chocolate type of brotha, or if barack's half whiteness was needed to sooth anxieties.
another thing that john mcwhorter seems to miss in his article is that, although we can't control individuals and their private racist thoughts, it is dangerous for those in power situations to have those thoughts--thoughts turn to actions and actions turn into discrimination. . .or worse. i mean, i don't care if you hate black people, as long as that hate stays confined in your little brain and household. i digress. . .
anyway, what this doesn't mean:

• that just because this black person can reach the top of his career that the rest of us can too--the glass ceiling is still a reality
  
• he will be welcomed with open arms all over this nation or others,
  
• every little black boy or girl who aspires to be president will be able to do so,
  
• the next white president will have to be half as qualified as barack,
  
• barack won't encounter racism and hatefulness just because he's black
• that barack's bar to meet isn't higher than mccain's would have been and that people aren't waiting for him to fail so they can say 'i told you so'
• that the stereotypes won't abound and we won't have to hear speculations about him offering chicken, greens, and watermelon at official functions or that people will expect him to show up on 'cp time'
• reparations for slavery have been paid or affirmative action is no longer needed
  
• it doesn't mean that on november 5, 2008, racial profiling ceased to exist. or if barack obama was driving alone in the right parts of the country that he wouldn't get pulled over for being that dark kinda light, fat kinda skinny, tall kinda short, black male suspect. or that if he had on a hat and sunglasses an was walking alone, some white woman wouldn't clutch her purse as he passed.
• that they will leave him alone now. . .let the character assailing begin.
  

sigh, the list could go on, but i just hate the implication that all is well with the world and race relations now that this amazing black man is in the white house. however, on a happier note, what it does mean:

• there are black role models in the white house--a real cosby show, almost!
• they are positioned to help get rid of some of the negative stereotypes that plague our community
• the blogs and news will talk about them as much as, if not more than the smoked out, rehab-comfy celebrities that currently sweep the news coverage
• it has made, as whoopi put it, black people feel like we could finally put down our suitcases and finally call this place home. black people finally feel like part of the political process, like this president can actually speak for them.
  
• they have shown that the nice guy can finish last and that 'you can pay for school but you can't buy class'. . .and class speaks for itself
• michelle shows black women everywhere that you can balance career, a loving 16-year relationship, 2 well behaved kids, a nice shape, and a cute wardrobe. . .all while wearing a smile, but never losing touch with reality

this election was inspirational, broke a lot of barriers, and changed history books. . .but let's not pretend like it transported us to a country free of racism, that wasn't founded on the premise of white supremacy. it is progress. . .not the end goal. maybe one day. . .

the doubly disadvantaged

the issue of sex and race have been at the forefront of this past election. never before have we had the experience of having a black person and a woman named to both of the major party tickets in this country at the same time. while i was observing the celebrations of president obama's historic victory and reflecting on the fact that he earned 95% of the black vote, i was thinking about that crazy black woman from the democratic primaries who was crying about hillary's loss and saying she may not vote for the first time since she's been 18. without reliving the incredulity of the moment, i was moved to consider black women and their allegiances. we've been branded the "doubly disadvantaged" for being both a racial and sexual minority--the double layered glass ceiling, if you will. and i've had several interesting conversations with people about whether they consider themselves black first or a woman first.
personally, it has never been a hard decision for me--while my ancestors were being beaten and lynched, white women were sitting sipping lemonade on their slave-owner daddy's porches, sure they had their own issues, but far removed from the pains of being black in this nation founded on the premise of white superiority. this was made even clearer when i got to ivy league law and easily interacted with other black law students (despite our various cultural and social backgrounds and the fact that i was one of only about 4 hbcu grads there during my whole 3 year experience), but never found myself throwing myself into the activities, causes (sure we needed a more diverse faculty--but i had trouble complaining about the fact that there were only 20 women professors, when i knew there were only 2 black ones), or meetings of the women's association. as far as i could tell, many of the white women were no more like me than their male counterparts, with the exception of a few body parts. i know of 2 people who seemed as involved in blsa as in the women's association and i was duly fascinated by their ability to do so.
you see, it's not that i ever for a second underestimate the struggles associated with being a woman. i know it's hard and i know we've had to fight for our rights and the ability to sit at the table with the big boys. . .but i also know that i have womanly struggles and stereotypes that are unique to black women.
historically, black women were forced to put their 'women issues' on the back burner for the advancement of the race--we knew that the men would have to be able to walk through the door first and we were counting on them to bring them with us. the struggle for voting rights, for example, would have taken much longer if we had insisted on all of us having them at the same time. many black women have learned to see the uplifting of our race in tandem with the uplifting of "us" in general.
all this to say, i suspect this is why mccain didn't sway as many black women with the 'palin choice'--we can easily look at her and not see ourselves. and i was wondering 1) how hillary would have gone about wooing the black women voters--or if she would have taken us for granted, would it have been because of our democraticness or because of our womanness and 2) would black woman have been celebrating in the streets the way white women surely would have been at the announcement of a hillary presidential victory?

yes we did!

as one paper put it, "the united states decisively elects its first black president". words cannot describe how i feel. . .or the outpouring of energy all over the nation--especially in black neighborhoods. this isn't just about what we know mr. president will do for this nation, it's about the way history books will look from now on, it's about the inspiration for little black girls and little black boys. . .and black families, and it's about nice guys finishing first and what happens when we all come together. don't you have chills??

• i don't have the mean feeling toward mccain that i've had for these past 21 months after hearing his speech
  
• i felt like mlk jr was there (again) while listening to barack's speech. and how awe-inspiring is it that we can say that this man was elected, not for the color of his skin, but for the content of his character. (and aww to michelle being his best friend of 16 years. i'm so in love with their love)
• speaking of michelle--she is going to be the classiest thing to ever live in the white house. it is SUCH deliciously sweet icing on the cake that she is going to be our first lady. take that all you negative stereotypes about black women!
• speaking again of michelle--her fashion is so hit or miss these days--we need to get her a gbf. . .i didn't love her dress last night. at. all.
• i can hardly wait to see sasha and malia playing on the lawn with their new puppy!
• can you believe that he won florida AND virgina?? and he got more popular votes in nc. . .and for the first time in lord knows how long, even texas and south carolina were really close right up until the end! it is nothing short of amazing. maybe, as my friend overheard someone say last night, "God must be a democrat"
• food for thought. . .do we pay for our president? i know you got all those emails asking for money and saying how important money is to the campaign and what they are able to do. i'm not talking about time and effort (yay to everyone who made the grassroots thing a success--it was no easy task!), but money. if we hadn't given barack money, would he have still won?
  
• after all is said and done, maybe we should thank dubya for screwing everything up so royally. the old folks say 'nothing changes until the pain of staying the same outweighs the pain of changing'. . .thanks to dubya, people were so pained that, in a country where they are still lynching people and racism is still alive and well, people were willing to give a black man the chance to make us better.

i think i will remember the tears, the screams, the love, the unity, and the overall uplifting feeling of last night forever. . .where were you when it happened??

ps--i would so love it if all of my friends could be at the inauguration speech. try to get tix! go here and find your representative, call them and ask to be put on their list!

yes we can!

ugh!

sooooo. . .i was all caught up in the moment, euphoric even, as i rode the train to work this morning. it was amazing to see so many of my people with their 'i voted' stickers on and to think about how even in this dreary weather, eeearly in the morning, the polling sites probably looked like a black family reunion. i've heard people cried, danced, sang and everything else. . .just happy that this moment is even possible. i was taking all of this in and was on the verge of tears when my thoughts were interrupted.
'come sit down chloe' 'NO!!' i looked to my left and saw this little skinny blonde 3 year old screaming at her father and eluding his grasp to go swing from the pole in the middle of the train car (i know lots of fathers who make it their life goal to keep their daughter off the pole. . .but i digress). she is flinging her hair and just having the best time ever while her parents use their 'stern voice': 'chloe stop swinging your hair' 'chloe come sit down' 'chloe people are trying to get by you' 'chloe if you do that one more time you're going to come sit on my lap'. o. . .m. . .g.
each one of these 'admonitions' was met with a shriek from this little blonde peace-invader. it was just too much! i was waiting to see one of the parents snatch her by her hair and sit her down. . .or at least (as the bf says) chop her in the throat. lol
for comparison, i looked around to see the little black kids and their reaction to the 'chloe show'. they would look at her, then up at their parents. depending on the age of the child, the parent would give the 'don't you even think about trying that later' look; or, for the more seasoned children, they would share a knowing glance and shake their heads.
i mean, what in the WORLD is going on?? are you really going to let your child tell you what she is and isn't going to do? and let her ruin the tranquility of the train by shrieking and screaming whenever she feels like it while you look on in admiration? worst of all, this poor child (it is taking a lot for me to refer to her as such, since she ruined my blissful moment) will grow up and people will not like her. she will be spoiled and incorrigible and she won't understand why she doesn't have friends and people don't like to be around her. so not only are you doing the train passengers a disservice, you are doing your child a disservice when you let her do and say whatever comes to her pretty little head.
ugh.