barack my world!

so i'm in the middle of reading michelle obama's biography (review coming later) and besides learning how much we have in common (thus earning me the nickname "mini-michelle") it made me think about how she has become a role model for so many black women. black women are and will be stepping up their respective game to be seen as a 'michelle'. they may even have to update webster's to let the world know what it means to be a michelle! my friends and i talk about her at length and one of my friends, who i will call cocoa kitty, even wrote a note where she aptly and eloquently ponders the real question for so many successful black women looking for their complement:

"I wonder am I strong enough on my own yet submissive enough to allow the right man to lead our future family and me? It’s a balance that the self-described “mom-in-chief” has gracefully achieved. She hasn’t given up who she is to let her man shine. Best friends for sixteen years, her light helps him shine. I’m sure he’d tell you that any day of the week. "

all of this makes me proud, but it also makes me wonder. . .are there enough baracks for all the aspiring michelles? so this post isn't so much about how to become a michelle, but more about if the guys we date could really handle a michelle--despite the fact that they are saying that's what they're looking for. i'm not talking about the obvious--she is one tall glass of water (taller than the average man), she graduated from two ivy league schools, and when she was working she made close to a half a million dollars a year--these things alone are intimidating, but that's not what i'm talking about.

we see all of the adorable loving pictures of michelle and barack. their love is real, their family is strong, and you know that she admires and supports him. . .but what you may or may not know is that he has earned every bit of that admiration and support and continues to have to do so. michelle is not easily impressed. there are stories about how she treated her suitors before barack. . .most romances were short lived. she didn't take anybody's crap and was looking for someone who was worthy of her and what she had to offer. pause there ladies--did you hear that? she didn't stoop, make excuses, or lower her standards so that she wouldn't have to be alone. better yet, did you hear that gentlemen--if you were late for a date without calling, couldn't hold an intelligent conversation, or had no ambitions or passion, michelle wasn't going to wait around for you to get yourself together. and the thing is, she wasn't materialistic--she didn't expect for you to make the same amount of money she did, or have the same educational pedigree or familial background as she had. i'm sure you've heard that barack used to drive her around in a car with a hole rusted in the floor--and she smiled and watched the ground go by as they chatted. she knew to look for what really counted. . .and when she found it, she knew it! barack was trying to be the typical 'intelligent male' and would go on and on about how marriage was a superficial institution and all that really mattered was how they felt about each other--michelle wasn't trying to hear that. she let him know what she wanted and clearly she got it. (can you believe b thought he was going to get away with that? you betta put a ring on it!)
and he also jokes about how she told him that he couldn't take for granted that he had her vote for the presidency--she told him he'd have to earn it! he knows he can look to her for support, but that she's also going to tell it like it is. . .she is just as quick to yank off the rose-colored glasses as she is to rub his head after a long day. she's been criticized for being emasculating (code for not letting him play the victim or toot his own horn for too long), and it is kinda funny to hear him say things like 'yes, she said 'congratulations on becoming the first black president--you're taking the kids to school in the morning, right?'' or to see her check him in interviews ('umm, when was washing the dishes ever soothing for you??'). but you know when he lays down beside her at night he knows that her love is real, that when she says 'good job' she means it, and when she played mariah's 'hero' backstage before the election results that he really is her hero--and that ain't no small thing.
if you know like i know, you know that a lot of men need coddling. they don't care if they're really doing a good job as long as you tell them they are. they get defensive if you criticize them, they let their past issues keep them from present success, and some of them even get envious if you begin to outshine them. they love that 'she got her own' until 'her own' is more than theirs. forget dishwashing being soothing--they will cop an attitude if you ask them to do domestic work. they want to collect the gold stars and brag about being the man. . .but don't want to put in the work and don't want you to call them on it. if you point out ways they can improve, you're trying to 'change them' and if you don't support every pipe dream ('sweetie, i don't know if it's a good idea to quit your job and try to start a rap career at 40. . .') then you are an evil, nagging, dream crusher. sadly, many of the nasty stereotypes about black women come from our own brothers--the ones who couldn't recognize their michelle because she was wrapped in that hard exterior to protect herself from the world and they were too lazy to work to get to the softness in the middle, too complacent to let her help their shine, and too scared of having their player card revoked by their friends to settle down and build a family. there is something to be said and understood about the fact that she loves you the way you are. . .but loves you too much to leave you that way. every man is not going to be a barack in the sense of being the first black president, the first black editor of the harvard law review, or being able to speak to move crowds. . .but they can be more barack-like. recognize that you're not perfect and the woman you love knows that better than anyone, let her shine up your armor by pointing out the dents; come to her for the comfort that only she can give, but also come to her for the knowledge and understanding that she has that is different from yours; and be man enough to want to have to earn her love and respect. understand that if all she ever does is agree with you and tell you how great you are, she's doing you a huge disservice. pressure makes diamonds--not rubbing the coal with a gentle cloth.