obama-rama

k. so. . .we have a black president :)
i am so excited to finally be proud of my president, to finally feel defensive if someone says something bad about him, and to trust that he is and will be doing the right things for this country. never since i've been able to vote have i been able to say that.
however, i do have some things that i want to get out:

• if you've read my previous entries, you know that i don't believe that barack being president means that any black person can be president--there was a special alignment of personal and political factors that made this moment.
  
• i don't think dr. king's dream has been realized--i think the swearing in and its proximity to the holiday was begging for people to draw that conclusion. . .but after all is said and done, there's still a lot of work to do
• i am a closet beyonce fan--this couple that i love being serenaded by beyonce for their first dance was almost more than i could bear. lol
• i didn't love either of michelle's inauguration day ensembles--i don't care how much her sleeves were lined in the toledo outifit, she was COLD and if you're going to sacrifice your warmth to be cute, it needs to be extra cute--i don't think this outfit was worth the sacrifice. i saw the sketches tracy reese submitted, besides the fact that her outfit was purple, it also incorporated a real coat--i vote for tracy. lol. the jason wu dress was okay. . .i'm not a big fan of 3-d things on dresses. it looked really pretty from a distance and the white was beautiful on her, but i was disappointed :( however, i was not disappointed in her hair--it was definitely on point. hey hair!
• i was sad that i didn't get tickets to any of the official balls or to the swearing in. anything else was just a party, i hated that people were charging so much for parties in the name of the inauguration as if spending $500 to get in was okay because obama was about to be president--the same promoters try to throw the same expensive parties whenever they know a whole bunch of black people will be in town. if you want to party go 'head, i'm not judging, but don't try to use obama to justify spending that amount of money in a recession--if he's not going to be there, it's not an 'obama party' and you're not really spending your money for him. lol. donate that to the dnc!
  
• along the same lines (and i'm going to step on some toes here--sorry, not judging, just stating my opinion) i am really happy that so many people went out on the mall to be part of the crowds bc the pictures were amazing. all those people in that freezing cold for my president. however, i don't like the idea of people thinking that just bc they were out there they were the ones who 'witnessed history' or were 'a part of history'. yes, the energy was amazing and i ventured out to be in it, but anyone who watched it 'witnessed history'--which was a lot of people around the world. if you were out there, especially without a ticket, you may or may not have had a good view of a jumbotron (which was just a tv outside. . .with limited sound, so you didn't even get to hear history), you might have been as far back as the washington monument--which might as well have been in a different city than the capitol building on that day, and you also had to stand out in the cold for hours, which means you probably missed the coverage of the rest of the historical day leading up to the ceremony. all this to say, that if you went out to be in the energy and just be a part of the crowd, that's great and that's what you could expect to do. but every time i see a shirt or something that says 'i witnessed history', i cringe a little--whether you watched it on an inside tv or an outside tv, you witnessed history, if you watched it outside, you didn't even get to hear the power in president obama's voice as he delivered his 'vows' or the way he sounded like he really meant what he was saying when he gave his speech (of course there's youtube, but that actual moment only happens once). for me, that would have lessened the experience. i realize this may not be true for everyone, so like i said, i'm glad people made the sacrifice and went out there if that's what they wanted to do. and yes, i will still tell my kids i was there--closer to the capitol building than most of the people who watched it outside ;)
  
• also (lol. i decided that last bullet point was getting kinda long), as far as 'being a part of history' goes, i was talking to one of my friends (q.d.) who was one of the people who helped make this a reality--she knocked on doors, several times over--in the cold, in different states, etc--i did my share and worked as an 'organizer' for the campaign in nc during primary season and donated money after primary season, but from my work i definitely respected the people like her, who really worked--for free-- to make this possible, bc the work wasn't glamorous and didn't show instant results. those people were part of history. i know that a lot of people did work like that and so there was definitely some overlap between the people who were out on the mall and the people who did the grassroots work--but i wonder about those people who say 'it was worth it to stand out in the cold to be a part of history and see him take the oath' or made it seem like it was so important for them to be out there, who never went out and campaigned, who were passive observers/supporters and now that it's time to celebrate want to talk about their 'sacrifice' of standing out in the cold to be part of the moment. in my opinion, if no one had gone out there on the mall, president obama would still be president obama, but if the grassroots volunteers hadn't been out in full force during the 2 years before, the same thing cannot be said. it is definitely food for thought that so many people can go out in the cold to celebrate but wouldn't go out in the warm to campaign. this moment didn't just come into being on january 20--it was a long time in the making and it's great that people voted for my president and went to watch him take the oath, but i've just been wondering what they were doing when others were working to make it possible for him to even be on the ballot. like, can you say you 'earned' your place in this history--not by standing outside waiting for him to get sworn in wearing the stuff you bought from the street vendors with his name on it, but by actually being a part of the movement? for qd and i, we felt like we were a part of history even before the morning of january 20--it was like we just wanted to enjoy the energy of the celebration and watch the fruits of our (and so many other people's) labor no more sacrifices necessary :) (lol. it was definitely cold walking up there tho!) i'm not saying this moment doesn't belong to all of us who hoped for it and are happy at its arrival, i'm just saying it would be even sweeter if all of us had put that same energy into ensuring that it came.
  
• on a lighter note, there were sooo many heartwarming moments among my first family--my heart melted when i saw malia taking pics of her dad or when she gave him her approval of his speech. sasha was cute as ever, the excitement overwhelmed her and she definitely fell asleep watching the parade, but i just love her. malia is michelle's mini-me--they have the same eyebrows and even the same little waddle when they walk. and sasha looks like barack did when he was a little chubby boy in hawaii. and they were the cutest little things in their custom made jcrew coats--they are such better role models than the bush girls, and they're only 7 and 10!! i could talk about their family alllll day. i know they are an inspiration to so many and i feel like i know them!

anyway, my president has already shown that he plans to run things. he is SO smooth. he has already made so many people interested in politics who were never interested before and inspired so many people on a personal level. i am so looking forward to his *8* years in the white house and what he can do to and for this country. like my godfather cornel west said, i hope he will be a thermostat and not just a thermometer--a thermometer only reads the temperature and reflects it; a thermostat controls the climate. if he can stay true to himself and his family, we are going to be in for an excellent climate here in the us! ready??

book review: michelle by liza mundy *spoiler alert(?)*

(can you really spoil a famous person's person's biography?)i finished the book a little while ago, but i wanted to get my thoughts together before writing. so. i liked the book--it was a biography so it got a little slow in places and it's not an authorized biography (which gave me pause about even buying it initially) so you could tell that the author was really reaching for people to talk to to help shape the story in parts. but overall, it was a pretty good biography. it sucked me in in the beginning because it was talking about chicago (my honorary hometown) and chicago politics during the time period in which michelle grew up. her story was not super-interesting, partly because we've heard a lot of it before, but the author did a good job of tying pieces together, getting quotes from people, and surveying the media coverage of her (you get the impression that she almost stalkerishly lived, ate, breathed michelle to write this book).
once again, i was impressed by how much michelle and i seem to have in common and so when the author got to the part about michelle at princeton or in law school and the way she generally felt like a fish out of water until she found her niche, either with other black people or with a particular cause, i could relate. there wasn't a lot about her time in law school other than the clinic work she did and the one, completely useless quote from someone who sat next to her in a class on race who said 'she didn't say much in class but she seemed like an affable person' or something like that. thanks.
and i was upset, but not surprised when the white people with whom she worked and the white man who introduced her to the firm said they were disappointed in her when she later criticized the firm and said she didn't like being there. as if they could speak to her experience and say what she should have felt about that environment. ugh. i also got tired of the random white people quoted saying 'she's so funny'. something about that doesn't sit right to me. lol. i know it's well documented that she is witty and can make people laugh, but when when one of the only things a white person can say about someone so personable, educated, and overall impressive is that she's funny, it makes me think they've missed something and shouldn't be quoted.
i think my favorite part was when the author talked about the obama groupies and panty flingers. michelle has the attitude that if someone can come between them then they must not have had very much at all. . .the other side of her calm, cool, collected answer is that everyone who knows them says he knows she would leave him, actually she would kill him first, then she would leave him (as one source put it). he simply says it wouldn't be worth it to cheat on her--which is sweet and noble, but now we know there's a little bit of fear behind those words! lol.
so anyway, of course the book ends before the election. it's funny how it shows how she went from being against the whole politics thing, to reluctantly involved, to very enthusiastically involved, then censoredly involved as the campaign had to 'handle' her and her image. so all in all it was informative and as interesting as possible, i'm sure there will be another one about her as first lady. . .hmm, what else:

betcha didn't know:

• sasha's (the youngest daughter) real name is natasha--they just shortened it and call her sasha at home--and now so do we!
  
• they have a rule--michelle is allowed to poke fun at him in public (not picking up socks, leaving the butter out, etc) but he isn't allowed to to do the same to her
  
• he proposed to her in a restaurant (during the middle of one of her many rantings about how they should get married) by having the waiter bring the ring out on a plate as 'dessert'
  
• they have talked about effecting change and helping to change the country for the better since they first met, but she didn't know that he wanted to do it through politics (the book does a good job of explaining why she was wary of politics). and his early political career caused a significant strain on their relationship. on their annual christmas trip in 1999 they were barely on speaking terms.
• when he made his show-stealing speech at the dnc in 2004 he could barely rent a car to get there--their credit cards were maxed out (i was worried about our first black pres having bad credit, but after that speech the royalties from the first book came flooding in along with a $2 million dollar advance for what would become the audacity of hope)

what i appreciated most/learned from michelle by reading this book:
to my credit, i was pretty much there on my own--anyone who's ever been in a relationship with me has heard me say 'i can't change you or what you do or make you do anything and i won't try, but i can and will change me and what i do, so let me know what you're going to do and i'll adjust myself accordingly'. it saves you a lot of pain, wasted time, and wasted energy if you adopt this approach to dealing with people who aren't your children. lol.
anyway, michelle came to a revelation during their time of not speaking, her being angry and miserable at his absence and even more miserable at his presence, and her time of feeling tricked into being a single parent. she decided to create her happiness. she says she "had to stop being angry and expecting him to change, and focus instead on how she could gain control and extract happiness out of her life." she asked herself "how do i structure my world so that it works for me and i'm not trying to get him to be what i think he should be." she realized that even when he was doing his best when he was at home trying to be a father and husband, it wasn't enough to keep her happy and sane and instead of asking for the impossible of their current situation and being mad that he wasn't making her happy, she decided to make herself happy. she figured out what she needed and that she didn't necessarily need him to be the one doing it--if she needed alone time away from the kids, instead of being mad that he couldn't give it to her, she asked her mom to watch the kids. she was getting what she needed without banging her head against a brick wall. and i hate to generalize, but she did and it helped her. she says she realized that men, all men, put themselves first and everything else after whereas women are more likely to put themselves near the bottom of their own lists.
once she made her revelations and put things into action, she was happier, her household was happier, and it opened up the opportunity for him to become the president--if she hadn't had that revelation, there would be no president barack obama and his adoring family. either he would have been at the top without michelle, or they would be together and he would be in private practice somewhere.
anyway, this is for all ladies in relationships (and even those looking for relationships) from michelle obama (and this poem i like): take control of your own happiness and don't blame him for your unhappiness. don't expect him to fulfill all of your needs or make yourself miserable because your needs aren't being met. extract your own happiness, "plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers."

barack my world!

so i'm in the middle of reading michelle obama's biography (review coming later) and besides learning how much we have in common (thus earning me the nickname "mini-michelle") it made me think about how she has become a role model for so many black women. black women are and will be stepping up their respective game to be seen as a 'michelle'. they may even have to update webster's to let the world know what it means to be a michelle! my friends and i talk about her at length and one of my friends, who i will call cocoa kitty, even wrote a note where she aptly and eloquently ponders the real question for so many successful black women looking for their complement:

"I wonder am I strong enough on my own yet submissive enough to allow the right man to lead our future family and me? It’s a balance that the self-described “mom-in-chief” has gracefully achieved. She hasn’t given up who she is to let her man shine. Best friends for sixteen years, her light helps him shine. I’m sure he’d tell you that any day of the week. "

all of this makes me proud, but it also makes me wonder. . .are there enough baracks for all the aspiring michelles? so this post isn't so much about how to become a michelle, but more about if the guys we date could really handle a michelle--despite the fact that they are saying that's what they're looking for. i'm not talking about the obvious--she is one tall glass of water (taller than the average man), she graduated from two ivy league schools, and when she was working she made close to a half a million dollars a year--these things alone are intimidating, but that's not what i'm talking about.

we see all of the adorable loving pictures of michelle and barack. their love is real, their family is strong, and you know that she admires and supports him. . .but what you may or may not know is that he has earned every bit of that admiration and support and continues to have to do so. michelle is not easily impressed. there are stories about how she treated her suitors before barack. . .most romances were short lived. she didn't take anybody's crap and was looking for someone who was worthy of her and what she had to offer. pause there ladies--did you hear that? she didn't stoop, make excuses, or lower her standards so that she wouldn't have to be alone. better yet, did you hear that gentlemen--if you were late for a date without calling, couldn't hold an intelligent conversation, or had no ambitions or passion, michelle wasn't going to wait around for you to get yourself together. and the thing is, she wasn't materialistic--she didn't expect for you to make the same amount of money she did, or have the same educational pedigree or familial background as she had. i'm sure you've heard that barack used to drive her around in a car with a hole rusted in the floor--and she smiled and watched the ground go by as they chatted. she knew to look for what really counted. . .and when she found it, she knew it! barack was trying to be the typical 'intelligent male' and would go on and on about how marriage was a superficial institution and all that really mattered was how they felt about each other--michelle wasn't trying to hear that. she let him know what she wanted and clearly she got it. (can you believe b thought he was going to get away with that? you betta put a ring on it!)
and he also jokes about how she told him that he couldn't take for granted that he had her vote for the presidency--she told him he'd have to earn it! he knows he can look to her for support, but that she's also going to tell it like it is. . .she is just as quick to yank off the rose-colored glasses as she is to rub his head after a long day. she's been criticized for being emasculating (code for not letting him play the victim or toot his own horn for too long), and it is kinda funny to hear him say things like 'yes, she said 'congratulations on becoming the first black president--you're taking the kids to school in the morning, right?'' or to see her check him in interviews ('umm, when was washing the dishes ever soothing for you??'). but you know when he lays down beside her at night he knows that her love is real, that when she says 'good job' she means it, and when she played mariah's 'hero' backstage before the election results that he really is her hero--and that ain't no small thing.
if you know like i know, you know that a lot of men need coddling. they don't care if they're really doing a good job as long as you tell them they are. they get defensive if you criticize them, they let their past issues keep them from present success, and some of them even get envious if you begin to outshine them. they love that 'she got her own' until 'her own' is more than theirs. forget dishwashing being soothing--they will cop an attitude if you ask them to do domestic work. they want to collect the gold stars and brag about being the man. . .but don't want to put in the work and don't want you to call them on it. if you point out ways they can improve, you're trying to 'change them' and if you don't support every pipe dream ('sweetie, i don't know if it's a good idea to quit your job and try to start a rap career at 40. . .') then you are an evil, nagging, dream crusher. sadly, many of the nasty stereotypes about black women come from our own brothers--the ones who couldn't recognize their michelle because she was wrapped in that hard exterior to protect herself from the world and they were too lazy to work to get to the softness in the middle, too complacent to let her help their shine, and too scared of having their player card revoked by their friends to settle down and build a family. there is something to be said and understood about the fact that she loves you the way you are. . .but loves you too much to leave you that way. every man is not going to be a barack in the sense of being the first black president, the first black editor of the harvard law review, or being able to speak to move crowds. . .but they can be more barack-like. recognize that you're not perfect and the woman you love knows that better than anyone, let her shine up your armor by pointing out the dents; come to her for the comfort that only she can give, but also come to her for the knowledge and understanding that she has that is different from yours; and be man enough to want to have to earn her love and respect. understand that if all she ever does is agree with you and tell you how great you are, she's doing you a huge disservice. pressure makes diamonds--not rubbing the coal with a gentle cloth.