(can you really spoil a famous person's person's biography?)i finished the book a little while ago, but i wanted to get my thoughts together before writing. so. i liked the book--it was a biography so it got a little slow in places and it's not an authorized biography (which gave me pause about even buying it initially) so you could tell that the author was really reaching for people to talk to to help shape the story in parts. but overall, it was a pretty good biography. it sucked me in in the beginning because it was talking about chicago (my honorary hometown) and chicago politics during the time period in which michelle grew up. her story was not super-interesting, partly because we've heard a lot of it before, but the author did a good job of tying pieces together, getting quotes from people, and surveying the media coverage of her (you get the impression that she almost stalkerishly lived, ate, breathed michelle to write this book).
once again, i was impressed by how much michelle and i seem to have in common and so when the author got to the part about michelle at princeton or in law school and the way she generally felt like a fish out of water until she found her niche, either with other black people or with a particular cause, i could relate. there wasn't a lot about her time in law school other than the clinic work she did and the one, completely useless quote from someone who sat next to her in a class on race who said 'she didn't say much in class but she seemed like an affable person' or something like that. thanks.
and i was upset, but not surprised when the white people with whom she worked and the white man who introduced her to the firm said they were disappointed in her when she later criticized the firm and said she didn't like being there. as if they could speak to her experience and say what she should have felt about that environment. ugh. i also got tired of the random white people quoted saying 'she's so funny'. something about that doesn't sit right to me. lol. i know it's well documented that she is witty and can make people laugh, but when when one of the only things a white person can say about someone so personable, educated, and overall impressive is that she's funny, it makes me think they've missed something and shouldn't be quoted.
i think my favorite part was when the author talked about the obama groupies and panty flingers. michelle has the attitude that if someone can come between them then they must not have had very much at all. . .the other side of her calm, cool, collected answer is that everyone who knows them says he knows she would leave him, actually she would kill him first, then she would leave him (as one source put it). he simply says it wouldn't be worth it to cheat on her--which is sweet and noble, but now we know there's a little bit of fear behind those words! lol.
so anyway, of course the book ends before the election. it's funny how it shows how she went from being against the whole politics thing, to reluctantly involved, to very enthusiastically involved, then censoredly involved as the campaign had to 'handle' her and her image. so all in all it was informative and as interesting as possible, i'm sure there will be another one about her as first lady. . .hmm, what else:
betcha didn't know:
- sasha's (the youngest daughter) real name is natasha--they just shortened it and call her sasha at home--and now so do we!
- they have a rule--michelle is allowed to poke fun at him in public (not picking up socks, leaving the butter out, etc) but he isn't allowed to to do the same to her
- he proposed to her in a restaurant (during the middle of one of her many rantings about how they should get married) by having the waiter bring the ring out on a plate as 'dessert'
- they have talked about effecting change and helping to change the country for the better since they first met, but she didn't know that he wanted to do it through politics (the book does a good job of explaining why she was wary of politics). and his early political career caused a significant strain on their relationship. on their annual christmas trip in 1999 they were barely on speaking terms.
- when he made his show-stealing speech at the dnc in 2004 he could barely rent a car to get there--their credit cards were maxed out (i was worried about our first black pres having bad credit, but after that speech the royalties from the first book came flooding in along with a $2 million dollar advance for what would become the audacity of hope)
to my credit, i was pretty much there on my own--anyone who's ever been in a relationship with me has heard me say 'i can't change you or what you do or make you do anything and i won't try, but i can and will change me and what i do, so let me know what you're going to do and i'll adjust myself accordingly'. it saves you a lot of pain, wasted time, and wasted energy if you adopt this approach to dealing with people who aren't your children. lol.
anyway, michelle came to a revelation during their time of not speaking, her being angry and miserable at his absence and even more miserable at his presence, and her time of feeling tricked into being a single parent. she decided to create her happiness. she says she "had to stop being angry and expecting him to change, and focus instead on how she could gain control and extract happiness out of her life." she asked herself "how do i structure my world so that it works for me and i'm not trying to get him to be what i think he should be." she realized that even when he was doing his best when he was at home trying to be a father and husband, it wasn't enough to keep her happy and sane and instead of asking for the impossible of their current situation and being mad that he wasn't making her happy, she decided to make herself happy. she figured out what she needed and that she didn't necessarily need him to be the one doing it--if she needed alone time away from the kids, instead of being mad that he couldn't give it to her, she asked her mom to watch the kids. she was getting what she needed without banging her head against a brick wall. and i hate to generalize, but she did and it helped her. she says she realized that men, all men, put themselves first and everything else after whereas women are more likely to put themselves near the bottom of their own lists.
once she made her revelations and put things into action, she was happier, her household was happier, and it opened up the opportunity for him to become the president--if she hadn't had that revelation, there would be no president barack obama and his adoring family. either he would have been at the top without michelle, or they would be together and he would be in private practice somewhere.
anyway, this is for all ladies in relationships (and even those looking for relationships) from michelle obama (and this poem i like): take control of your own happiness and don't blame him for your unhappiness. don't expect him to fulfill all of your needs or make yourself miserable because your needs aren't being met. extract your own happiness, "plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers."
5 comments:
Hmmm...I don't think a woman puts herself at the bottom of her own list. I think frustration occurs when a woman chooses to invests in something in a way in which she is unlikely to receive what she feels her time/energy was worth. During that trying time in her marriage, it sounds as though she felt she was investing way more than Barack was. Also, it's a bit early for a biography. I think the author should've waited. Not because I don't think Michelle has achieved enough or isn't deserving of one, but because I think her story has more to tell. Something tells me she'll be running for a Senate seat in the next 10-12 yrs.
lol. i think that's easy for you to say. . .even though times are changing, in this society women are judged on how well their families are doing and how well-mannered and successful their children are, among other things that make it easy to put the needs of your husband and family above yours. men are still judged more on their personal accomplishments and how pretty their women are. . .they are allowed to sacrifice their familial lives (e.g. barack being a 'weekend dad') for their careers and advancement. a 'weekend mom' would be frowned upon. even hillary, with all of her education and accomplishment, is still somehow looked at as a part of the reason bill cheated--unfortunately, even in 2008, it doesn't matter what you accomplish outside of the house if things inside the house aren't right. what i am trying to say is that women are socialized to be caretakers and to make personal sacrifices/grin and bear it so that others in their lives get what they need/are happy, and they tend to get the leftovers.
i don't think it was too early--she was a public figure who people wanted to know about. the author definitely makes it clear that there will be much more to write about michelle. it served the purpose of letting us know who michelle obama is. there was definitely a place for the book now. i mean, barack got the offer to write 'letters from my father' when he became the editor of harvard law review. very early, but the publisher assumed people would want to know about him. i feel like a few blanks about michelle have been filled in, so i appreciated the book. which goes to your second point--as is explained in the book, i think it's premature to assume michelle will end up in politics. she doesn't believe in politics, she believes in barack (and even that wasn't an easy sell). what he is able to do/not do and what he has to deal with might change that, but for now it's safe to say this is as close as she's getting to politics, from what i gather anyway.
You think that it is easy for me to say because of my being a man? If so, that's a bit condescending. Also, I think we would both be missing the point of what she said if we compared her and how society sees her to Barack and how society views him. I view what she said in terms of how she felt she had to take ownership of the situation and learn how to expect less in one respect while also not investing more than what she felt comfortable investing. For example, the free time she began to schedule for herself by taking the girls to grandma's place or the activities she would engage in with friends while Barack was gone.
Also, Barack's book 'Letters From My Father' was poignant and timely because it was all about his journey and the impact his father's not being there had upon him. This book (which I have not read yet) seems premature because there doesn't seem to be an overarching reason for it other than the fact she is Michelle Obama.
I don't feel she will be running because she has to. People don't run for office because they love 'politics', they run for office because of what they feel they can accomplish through political means. That's the difference. And Michelle has many interests plus the skill sets and wherewithal (i.e., good orator, great communicator, intelligent, charismatic, and engaging personality) to maximize the political opportunity that could yield incredible results.
What made you think she didn't believe in politics?
i think it was condescending of you to think that she didn't mean what she said--she said she was putting herself at the bottom of her list. a lot of women in that situation feel the same way. frustration is something different than being unselfish and other-pleasing to your own detriment. . .and i haven't met many mothers who wouldn't give their all to make sure their children were happy--i don't think it's a matter of measuring what you're investing.
i also think you're missing the point if you think this is about michelle and barack and is unique to their situation. this is a mother-father story in many households.
when barack was given the opportunity to write 'letters', he took that angle because he wanted to, not because that's what they told him to write about. it was also seen as premature, it didn't sell well until after his dnc speech. i think we'll have to agree to disagree here. . .saying that someone shouldn't write about her just because she's michelle obama means that she doesn't deserve any of the other interviews or press coverage she's gotten. she is a person of interest--to me and many others--and i want to know about her now, she has piqued my interest now. and i'll read about what she does in 10-12 years too.
she has said she didn't like politics and was wary of politics and government. the book does a good job of explaining her early distrust.
of course i like it better when you agree with me, but thanks for the comments :)
lol...you're too much. I like how you attempt to de-bone my argument like a country ham, and then give me a kiss on the cheek and pat on the back when you're done. You're tough. And I'm out. lmao.
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